It's All Good

I have a great life. Everything always works out and it is because of everyone of my friends and family. I could have spent the weekend freaking out about certain things but I knew everything would be fine. The last month has been hectic during school and I got through it and couldn't be happier. I have never had this feeling to end a semester. I could get used to it. Thank you all. With Love, Ian.

The Good Life by Valencia

Top Albums of 2011

Top albums of 2011

I chose to do 15 albums this year because there were not 10 that I could choose from. The top choices have been clear since they have been released but it's the middle of the pack down that was so hard to decide on. So here are my top albums from this great year in music.

15. Born This Way by Lady Gaga

14. Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes

13. When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes by Yellowcard

12. Simple Math by Manchester Orchestra

11. The Reckoning by NEEDTOBREATHE

10. Torches by Foster The People

9. Mylo Xyloto by Coldplay

8. Young The Giant by Young The Giant

7. Ad Astra Per Aspera by Abandon Kansas

6. Neighborhoods by Blink 182

5. 21 by Adele

4. The King Is Dead by The Decemberists

3. Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars

2. Bon Iver by Bon Iver

1. Economy by John Mark McMillan

Here are my runner ups: El Camino by The Black Keys, Ashes and Fire by Ryan Adams, Something Like This by Ben Rector, Take Care, Take Care, Take Care by Explosions In The Sky, Ghosts Upon The Earth by Gungor, Early In The Morning by James Vincent McMorrow, The Great Awakening by Leeland, Hurry Up, We're Dreaming by M83, Odd Soul by MuteMath, Patterns by Run Kid Run, Vice Verses by Switchfoot.

I'm guessing that "El Camino" will jump up this list quickly but it just came out and I have been listening to most of these albums for six months at least. The top 7 albums stood out so much to me and I haven't stopped listening to them all year long. Every artist there has broken the mold on their sound and progressed so much as an artist. It's been nuts to see how an artist like Bon Iver has changed from "For Emma, Forever Ago" to "Bon Iver." Even "Mylo Xyloto" completely blew me away by the direction Coldplay took it. It was honestly one of the best years in music in a long time. It will be hard to beat but next year I will see a new Killers and David Crowder *Band album, along with many others. I am looking forward to it.

What Do You Hide?

I took this from Donald Miller's blog. He's one of my favorite authors and always has insightful things to write about. You can check out his blog here. He wrote this in response to the recent sex scandal at Penn State as well as some other things.

Walking In A Winter Wonderland 2011

Last year I made a playlist that I listen to while I walk around campus in the winter time. It's comprised of songs that must have a specific feel. Most of the songs have an echo or ambient sound to them. Every year it changes and grows so I thought that I would give you a top 10 list of the new songs on this year's Winter Breezes Playlist. Without further adu....

10. All The Bright Lights - Chest of Drawers

9. NEEDTOBREATHE - A Place Only You Can Go

8. James Vincent McMorrow - We Don't Eat

7. John Mark McMillan - Murdered Son

*I couldn't find the album version so here is his acoustic performance

6. All The Bright Lights - Still Beating

5. James Vincint McMorrow - Hear the Noise That Moves So Soft and Low

4. Ryan Adams - I Love You But I Don't Know What to Say

3. Mae - Seasons i, ii, and iii

2. Ryan Adams - Lucky Now

1. Bon Iver - Beth/Rest (Piano Solo)

Thanks Giving

There are always things in this life to be thankful for. The one problem I have about the holiday of Thanksgiving is that people name all these things they are thankful for. Some do it each day of November until Thanksgiving. My problem is this: why be thankful on just this day? How often do you hear people talk about how thankful they are for their family in the middle of March? They are probably thankful every day, so why make it a point to tell the whole world on a random day in November? Don't get me wrong, I think people should express their thanks to people and I enjoy it when people mention me as someone they are thankful for. I just wish these expressions were made more often.

Psalm 95: 1-2

Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD

Let us should aloud to the Rock of our salvation

Let us come before him with thanksgiving

and extol him with music and song.

Restless

I've been laying in bed now for quite some time trying to fall asleep but it hasn't happened. I find that many nights I lay in bed and feel restless. Do you ever feel that way? I've always been that way I think, fidgety at night time when I'm trying to sleep. I always have thoughts and ideas going round and round up there and I wish it wouldn't happen. I would rather just lay down and fall asleep.

Lately I have noticed just how restless I have become. It seems that no matter what happens I cannot just be calm about things. I am always trying to figure out answers to the questions that I have and it isn't a good thing. I wouldn't say that it causes stress but it does cause a lot of sleepless nights or a lot of wasted time. I need to become better at just relaxing and not worrying about things out of my control. I don't need to answer every question or even to ask most of them. All I should do is worry about things and relationships that I can control because that is what should be important. I shouldn't worry about where I will find love, what I will do this summer, what people think of me. None of it matters.

Thursday at Challenge one of the girls shared a story before the song "Divine Invitation" was played that just spoke to exactly what I have been talking about. It was just amazing how she could have been speaking face to face with me at that moment. The song was just what I needed to hear this week because I think this break from school will be a perfect time to work on the restlessness I feel.

"We are all here to find the place where our restless souls will be free."

Grammar

Love is better when used as a verb, instead of an adjective.

Consider the Birds

Tonight at 24 Feet we watched a video on Ed. I missed the first part of his story so this was a new story but that didn't matter. I knew that I would probably cry a little based on the reviews of the first video. Consider the Birds was a short video but the message is a powerful one. Ed's Story is one of perseverance and hope. But it is also a message that makes you really sit and think about your life. Ed was a pastor who was diagnosed with ALS 10 years ago. At the time he was given 2-5 years to live before the disease took his life. Obviously he has far outlived that timeline. Ed is dying, slowly, every day. But his message is, "Aren't we all?" (We just don't all feel it in every movement like Ed) However, that doesn't mean that our lives are over. We don't know the future and can't predict it. It will probably turn out far differently than what we will expect. You only really start dying when you give up.

Do you remember a time when you had a moment where you thought, "My life's over?" Do you remember a struggle with something that just hurt so much that you thought things were just horrible? Those moments can seem overwhelming at times and we just need to remember what is said in Hebrews 13:5. God says, "Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you." God is with us always, in the times of joy and in the times of sorrow. He is with us when we are in the middle of a night out with friends and He is with us when we are all alone sitting under the stars. God is with us because He is in control. As much as I want to be in control of my life, I am not. Every day I give my life up to God. Sure, there are many things I can control, such as how I treat people, how well I follow what the word in the Bible, things of that nature.

Tonight's video was titled Consider the Birds because of one simple statement. In Matthew 6:26 it says "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet our heavenly Father feeds them." So we were told to consider the birds. God will always provide for us in our times of need, he will always be by our side when times are difficult. So I ask you to do this one thing for me. Just try it out and see what kind of impact it makes on you. Tonight we made cards because it's one thing that Ed does. We made a card with the verse from Hebrews so that we can put it in a place that will allow us to remember God's word and that He is with us. Try writing a phrase, verse, lyric, anything that is inspiring to you, and put that card in a place that will cause you to reflect daily on it. It will help out during those overwhelming moments when life is full of struggles.

Logic Behind the Music

Who are your favorite bands? Whenever I get asked that question I have to take a long pause because it is hard to find a correct response. What I want to say is that it depends on the day, the weather, my classes, who I'm with, where I'm at, etc.. I listen to so many different styles of music that it is hard for me to pinpoint what I listen to the most. So why do I listen to the music that I do? What space or void does it fill? Emily posed this topic to me awhile ago so I thought I would finally delve into it.

It's hard to try and figure out why I pick certain musical genres over others, or even certain bands within the same genre. It really is a gut feeling when I find a band that I like. Sometimes I'm looking for lyrics that move me. Sometimes I am just looking for that good hook or beat that will just get stuck in my head. Some days I don't need a song that pulls on my heartstrings or makes me ponder what life really means. I just need a dance beat or punk guitar riff.

I have come to realize though that I require a lot out of my music. It must, in most cases, have a certain level of artistry that Ke$ha doesn't have. I tend to love music that is written by genuine people, people with real talent. Lady Gaga doesn't write songs like Mumford and Sons but they both have an amazing ability to craft good songs. I will listen to Gaga over Rhianna, who pays people up to $20,000 to write a song for her.

I also love music that has good harmonies. I am a big fan of singing them and songs with great harmonies always make me smile. Lastly, if a band has a great bass player, such as Kings of Leon and John Mark McMillan, I will instantly be a fan. Those two bands are my favorites and most listened to bands because of those bass players. They just go nuts with their bass lines.

So I guess I need music that can fit my mood and can deliver a good message. I want inspiration. I'm looking for music that can express my feelings with words and phrases that I cannot come up with on my own. Otherwise I would just write my own music.

Currently Listening To: Ghosts That We Knew by Mumford and Sons

Major Work

There is something that really bothers me that happens from time to time. I am not exactly sure what made me think of it just now but I thought I would share it anyway. Recently I was talking to a fellow college student about homework. That person was sharing what classes they had homework in and, not being from that specific major, it sounded very difficult to me. After I shared what my homework was, writing a Sheltered Instruction Observation Protocol Lesson Plan (SIOP). It is basically taking a typical lesson plan and adapting it to fit with ELL kids (students who don't speak English either at all or proficiently). While that sounds pretty easy to most, it's challenging to create a lesson plan and then create a whole new one for students who can't understand your first one. Sometimes you have to do it for multiple languages. I have a concentration in ESL so that is part of my weekly homework. It may not be Economics, but it takes some time and creativity.

Now, after sharing my homework list with the student I mentioned earlier, they basically told me that I shouldn't ever complain about homework because the could probably do mine in half the time that it takes them for theirs. Now, I'm not an accounting, engineering, pre-med, or pharmacy major so yes, if it happened to be in a subject that I am not familiar with, it would take me a long time. But this is much harder and more time consuming than most people realize. For some one to just put down my major like that really frustrated me. It's the same thing teachers get when people mention having summers off. Yes, I get two months free of students but if you are a good teacher you will not have nearly that amount of time away from school. My parents usually spend time each week in the summer at school. And guess what, that time off makes up for working from 7-5 at school and then 5-9 at home. Yeah, that would probably equal more hours that most people work in a week. And we're working with your bratty kids all day trying to make them engaged children. You're welcome.

So the next time you talk to an education major maybe you should try taking a Linguistics class or taking a Practicum test because I will tell you this: You probably won't do as well as you think you could. I don't judge people taking art or music because I know that I would fail those majors in a heartbeat so please don't judge mine. Thanks.

Ah Ha Moments

So Sunday night was a big night for me. It wasn't something extraordinary in a measurable way. It was a night that I saw what I really should be searching for. Saturday night was a rough night for me. I had been seeking things that I didn't need, that relationship that wasn't right. I wanted it badly. It was based on the past and not the present. I was in a rough spot through the night and most of Sunday as well. I just couldn't understand some things. But in the middle of playing our set that night I just had this reaffirmation of everything I have been working on this semester. I realized what I should be searching for in another person. I realized just how great God is. If Saturday night was a night to test my way of thinking, I failed. However, when Sunday night rolled around just a little moment was all it took to make me go, "Ah Ha!" All of the conversations I have had this semester with Brock and others all came rolling back and my faith was just reaffirmed. That's all it took. One little look at the crowd to realize what I wanted in a significant other. It was a great moment. It's moments like those that I appreciate more than anything. Those little teachable moments in life that you will carry with you for awhile.

Also, I really need to thank my good friend Brett. Ever since we first played Rock Band, and probably long before, he has always wanted to play drums. I have told him that when he owns a house that I will buy him drums. He wants nothing more. So on Monday, when our drummer backed out on us, we decided to do a smaller set and maybe have someone play a kick drum and snare drum. Just the basics. Well, when Friday rolled around we still hadn't found a willing participant so I had the random idea to ask Brett. Why not, right? Well, I sent him the songs and after many, "Shit I don't know man" texts I got him to just go for it. And he was awesome. After basically two practices we had him playing up there with us. He may not have been perfect but I loved it. It was quite possibly my favorite show we have played just because I got to have Brett up there with me, fulfilling a dream of his. Thanks Brett. It was a blast.

Reboot.

I just need to reboot.

What does Love mean to me?

I use the word love a lot, probably because it is my favorite word. But what does it really mean? I think you can separate the things you love into two categories: Things that love you back, and things that don't. I don't love actually things that don't love me back, even though I will say that I love the mountains, I love music, I love driving alone with the stars out. I enjoy those things, I need those things, but I don't LOVE them. I love my family, I love my friends, I love God. I love each of those things on a different level of course, but I still love them. I would do anything for my family or friends, but I love my family more than most of my friends. I'm learning to love God more and more each day that he gives me.

I think that the power of love can overcome any obstacle. I believe that you always have someone who is willing to love you, whether that is a family member, a friend or God. You should, even at your darkest moments, feel that there is a love worth living for. At some point soon I am going to get the word love tattooed on my wrist because it holds such great meaning in my life. I have been in a dark place, where there wasn't much light to look forward to and yet I always felt that someone loved me. Having it permanently where I can see it every day is something that will remind me that I need to love, and love the right things.

Significance

What does the word love mean to you? What do you love? Is love enough? Why isn't love always pretty and happy? All of these questions have been posed to me or by me in the last couple of days. Love is thrown around so much that I think it has lost its meaning. Most of the time the "things" we love can't love us back. Why do we waste time loving things that are not meaningful? Love, to me, is a word that has lost its significance in our world. I think that's interesting because the title of my blog translates to LOVE. But what I find good about Greek is that they have at least four different words for love. I think our society needs that. The love I share with Brett is different than the love I share with my Mom. It's different than than the love I have for Emily. It's different than my love for music or God. So what do you love? What significance does it hold?

Hopefully I will have a few more entries on this word because it is the most important word to me. Emily has me attempting to write an entry for 30 days so we shall see if that happens. I hope you follow my 30 day journey!

What's The Point?

What is the point of a blog? There are many reasons to blog. What's the point of my blog? I had that question posed to be tonight and I guess I never really thought about it too much. Most people blog because they want to share their views, they offer something to people. Coach Hays, for example, shares workouts for people. Some people blog because their creative juices far exceed anything my brain could think of. Me though, I guess my blog has no real big, far-reaching void to fill. It is mainly just to share my frustrations, share music that inspires me, share whatever whims may spin through my brain. I guess it is pretty much here to share my thoughts at those times when people are asleep or busy. I go through things in my life that most people go though. I have the same thoughts and emotions that everyone in college does. This is just an outlet for all those thoughts, inspirations and emotions. Just my own safe haven.

Words

I want words to come out but nothing is. Hmm. This is a weird feeling. Do you ever struggle with words? It happens to us all. I guess lyrics will have to do again. As John Mark said in the video on How He Loves, I process feelings through music. There's a song for every emotion that is written by someone who is better with words than I. What song should I choose to sing tonight? I had better find the right words.

Murdered Son

Murdered Son by John Mark McMillan

Glory to One
God’s murdered Son
Who paid for my resurrection
Once from the dust, once from the grave
Daughters and sons from the ashes you’ve raised
And hidden our faults even from your own face
And scattered our debt upon the waves

How He Loves: A Story

This video is such an amazing and emotional one. The song is one of my favorites to sing and play and this video just explains what the song means to its writer.

Struggle

Tonight has been a night of struggle for me. It has been hard because I saw someone today for the first time in a couple of years and, while I had never forgotten how much they meant to me, I had pretty much given up on them. It's a sad thing when you give up on someone that you once considered one of your very best friends. It takes a lot for me to give up on a friend and I'm not sure that I have given up on anyone else in my life. That is why tonight has been a struggle. How can I consider myself a truly great friend if I give up on someone? Shouldn't I always try to get through to them, no matter what it takes? Shouldn't I always let them know that they can always tell me what is going on in their life, no matter how bad it is?

Tyler,

I know that what you did was for the best, at least for you. But what hurt so much was the fact that you never just told us. I expected more from my best friend. After all these years and all I want is an explanation. Is that too much to ask from someone who you were so close to? I guess for some people it is too much to ask. Maybe I gave up on you because you had given up on us, and yourself. That doesn't make seeing you any less painful. At least act like you ditched us 5 years ago, that you never returned a call or made an effort to visit us. I forgive you, I will never stop believing in you or being your friend, but please, just give me an explanation. I just want my friend back after all these years.

Now Playing: Hide Away by Ben Rector

One of those days

Tonight is one of those nights when things just weigh on your mind and you can't sleep. Combined with my room being hot, I'm up and not close to sleep. Today started out as a really good day. I was teaching my kindergarteners and had a good day with them. I had my first midterm in Linguistics as well. I did, in my opinion, a good job on it. Thankfully we were allowed a "cheat sheet" for our test and that allowed me some luck. However, on my way home I got my first ever speeding ticket. It really put a damper on the day I had going. One of the highlights of my day was getting the Blink-182 presale package that I ordered. I got the album when it leaked but if you ordered their cd and t-shirt you would get a free, surprise gift. The gift could be anything from picks, posters to a Mark Hoppus signature bass. In my package I got a signed album insert. #106 of 182. I am pretty excited about that but my day was still kind of ruined because of my ticket.

Since I can't sleep I decided to open up my bible and take a look at some more proverbs. It's something that I have decided to do on days when I am needing a boost. And let me tell you, today was one of those days.

The Busy Life

So a little update of my busy life for everyone, myself included. As crazy as life has been the past month, the next one will be even busier. Here's a look at what is going on in my life....I have sorted by weekends.

October 1st: Nothing! For the first time in almost 2 months I will be at home with no plans.

October 8th: Ushering at Dane and Christy's wedding!

October 15th: Late Night at the Phog, then The DC*B, Gungor, John Mark McMillan Concert

October 22nd: Abandon Kansas opening for Anberlin in Wichita, Joe's bachelor party in KC

October 30th: Playing at SuperSonic Concert in Wichita

November 5th: Ushering at Joe and Anne Marie's Wedding!

November 12th: Nothing

November 19th: Fall Break/Thanksgiving Break......10 days without class!

So yeah, that is 2 weddings, 2 concerts (maybe even a couple during the week), 2 bachelor parties, and not to mention 5 midterms. YIKES!

Camping at Hammock Point

I just got back home from Fall Conference for Christian Challenge and I cannot describe the joy in my heart. It was an incredible two days of worship and ministry that has given me such a great outlook on life. I walked in there nervous to meet new people and hear messages that could be hard to hear but I walked out feeling like I am finally on the right path. The speaker for the weekend was a man with whom everyone seemed to just be drawn to. He had a way of relating stories to our lives, which isn't always easy, and making us laugh right when we were feeling our most vulnerable. The two workshops that I went to really set the standards of how I want to go about setting my life up. The main message that hit home for me was Psalm 23. If you don't know it, please go read it. The relationship of the shepherd and his sheep really built up my understanding of the message and gave me a clear view of my relationship with Jesus. I am one who wanders and it was important to hear that. Understanding where you are faulty is the best way to fix what is broken.

I didn't really meet many new people because I found it hard to really connect with people who weren't in my LIFE Group or in my campus small group. Challenge is really "click-y," like most situations like that. However, the women in my campus group were awesome and I wish we had more time to talk and help each other on our walk. I'm glad we all felt like swapping information so that we can continue keeping up with each other. And ladies, if you are reading this, I added you right away because you are all awesome and so helpful.

I will end this post with a verse that has really been on my heart this past week, especially after this weekend. The song is called "While We Sing" off the new Leeland album. The song is fantastic and builds up to this bridge that just gets me going.

"Church arise, arise and shine, shake yourself from the dust, God is calling you to go."

Grace and Truth

I'm beginning to think that most of my posts will come on tuesdays from now on. Tuesdays, of course, is the night that I have LIFE Group each week. A couple weeks ago I gave my reasons for joining one and after three meetings I can already see a huge improvement in my life. As Brock and I were talking about tonight, it is hard to describe how amazing LIFE Group is. I could explain what goes on and how it makes me feel when I leave but it just doesn't get across to people. I have heard Brock talk about going for a year now and my reaction every time went something like, "Oh that's great buddy. I'm happy for you." I wasn't sure how much of an impact it would have on me because I'm not as devout as most people there, or at least I didn't think I was. It turns out that something like this was just what I needed every week.

It is hard to explain what kinds of connections happen on my tuesday nights but it feels like brutal honesty. There's no lying to people, no hiding anything. Everyone is open and doesn't feel judged. As I found out tonight, most people there struggle with, will struggle with, or have struggled with the same demons that I have in my life. It's comforting to know that, no matter what preconceived notions I may have about these people, they are just like me.

Grace and Truth. You can't have one without the other. Tonight's lesson on John 1:1-18 was our first in-depth look at the Gospel of John and those two words were a big part of it. The whole time we were discussing that I had the lyrics to Rhythms of Grace by Hillsong stuck in my head. "I'm caught in the rhythms of grace, They overcome all of my ways, Realigning each step everyday." It was a powerful night.

Honda Civic Tour

So Friday night I got to experience my first Blink 182 concert in a decade. It was actually much better than I expected it to be. The performance, for the most part, was much better than stories of their past performances. They were known to be a band that never practiced and that it translated very badly live. While I'm not always fond of how Tom DeLonge sings parts, they played well and the banter was typical Blink. I laughed a lot. The crowd was very rough, especially for My Chemical Romance. I'm not one to bitch much but getting smashed around like we did wasn't always fun. I had to tell a girl that I would punch her in the face because she was kicking me in the back of the knees to try and get around me. Sorry honey, there wasn't any room there. I got some cool items to bring back with me including a hat, sunglasses and a laminated No Moshing sign. All in all I had a blast with Brett and Craig even though we spent most of the show apart. Here's a song from the show. It's not my favorite because it is one where I don't enjoy Tom's liberties with the singing but I loved the laser show and the fact that Mark Hoppus played with a capo on his bass (I assume it's because he plays so many chords so he can't just move up the neck like normal).

Saturday I went to Joe and Anne Marie's wedding shower in Emporia. It was my first wedding shower, and hopefully my last. While I enjoyed seeing my friends I found it quite boring. I spent the rest of the day/night hanging out with Emily, which was an awesome time. I must have been tired from a long last week and weekend because I came home and slept for 5 hours off and on throughout the day. I need to do a better job of getting to sleep at a decent time now that my weeks are filling up with more extracurricular activities. This wasn't really a great entry and I had hoped to write about a different topic but I will save that for tomorrow possibly. Goodnight peeps and God Bless.

P.S. I really need to thank Emily for showing me how to add a video to my entries. That will be much more convenient than just linking everything in.

Standing On the Edge of Morning

It was a Something Corporate kind of night for me. Not sure why but they just hit the spot. They are just your typical pop punk band but I love their slower jams. One song that always speaks to me is Konstantine. It has always applied to some part of my life. Usually it brings up past relationships and things of that nature. The song I Want To Save You has a first verse that just hit me tonight and took me back a few years to a night I will never forget. Look it up. Some of you don't know the feeling and some have known it a few times. That is the only part of the song that really applies to my life but whenever I hear those first three lines I know where my thoughts will go. "Standing on the edge of morning."

The Rock Show

After many years I get to see Blink 182 again on Friday with Brett and Craig. I saw them12 years ago at the same venue, Sandstone. That was three name changes ago for Verizon Wireless Amphitheater....or whatever it is called these days. I don't listen to them as much these days because the music is about a phase of my life that has passed me by. That may change however since their new album is set to come out here shortly. Their new songs aren't a great departure from songs off of Enema of the State or Take Off Your Pants and Jacket but they are different enough to show their maturity. Their live show will show me just how immature they still are. Either way I am so pumped to see them. I couldn't 2 years ago because of my back surgery but hopefully it will be worth the wait. Here's a picture from the last time I saw them. It was on the world tour for the TOYPJ album. I am sure my father was so glad that he had taken four freshmen in high school to this show after seeing this.....

Challenge Accepted

I just got done with my first Linguistics paper and now it's time to blog! I have been meaning to for the last couple of nights but between running more and homework it has just not gotten done. Tonight was my first Christian Challenge experience at K-State and I can't tell you how moving it was. Between the music and the message it was just the thing I needed at this moment. It's funny how that always seems to happen, right? It was a much larger crowd than I had envisioned it would be which is a great thing in itself. This had almost a concert feel to it with everyone singing along to the music, swaying to and fro. I got a chill at one point just listening to everyone and knowing that, while I may not know more than six people there, I know exactly what most of them where feeling at that moment. There's just something special about being in a giant room and having a night of worship. Some days I question my spirituality and wonder about religion but I don't think that is a bad thing. But nights like tonight show me the path that I want to follow.

Brock and I approached Nate, one of the musical leaders, about playing with the group every now and then and it was a wonderful conversation. I am joining a LIFE group this semester and I can't be more excited. At first I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to join one for a couple of reasons. I am already worried about not having enough time this semester for school because of the grades I need to get. But I think that it will force me to spend my time more wisely and keep me away from frivolous things, unimportant things. Also it will hopefully lead to a chance to play at Challenge and that would be such an amazing experience. I've played at churches here in town and small settings for worship but I don't think any of those would compare to this. I really just feel like I have such a passion for music and I want to share it with others and help them experience the feeling that music gives me. I know Brock feels the same way and I hope he gets a chance, even more so that myself.

Another reason I was skeptical of joining a LIFE group was because I'm not the best at sharing my beliefs. I feel guilty being in the presence of true believers sometimes because I'm new to the party, so to speak. I'm still learning about what I believe and learning about Christ and I feel embarrassed. I know it's not something I should feel but I do. I haven't always lived a good life and I have always been afraid of not being accepted because of it (even though that is totally against the idea of being a Christian, it's just a hard thought to buck). I am excited to get the opportunity to share and have people share their testimonials with me.

The other day my teacher asked our class to discuss with a partner what we would be doing in ten years. One of my first thoughts was that I would love to be playing music at whatever church I will be attending at that point in my life. Of course sometimes saying things like that can make people uncomfortable, especially in such a small class. However, after listening to so many people share where they wanted to be, many of my classmates talked openly about their religion and wanting to help people. Again, I felt embarrassed that I would hide one of my true passions. I don't want to be someone who makes others uncomfortable because of my beliefs but I also shouldn't be ashamed to admit it either. I saw a couple of classmates at Challenge tonight so hopefully one day I can tell everyone how proud I am to be playing music for them and that I hope they enjoy hearing my playing.

I am so blessed to have good people in my life. I love you all.

Now Playing: Cannons by Phil Wickham

Monday Morning

Monday Morning by A Day At The Fair

Long before my stomping grounds got trampled on,
I sat and felt the greatest song,
That every painter, every poet, couldn't create,
And the words they open doors,
From what my parents had wished for,
When they had a child and raised a kid that came to this,

And how good does life feel in times like this?
And how good is my shot before I close my eyes and miss?
These feelings exist,

Let it rain on Monday morning,
Right before the world's awake,
I will lie there and just think about the weather,
Let my blood beat from my chest,
And put my veins up to it's test,
I will breathe in and know what it feels to feel alive,
I'm alive

The Vaccine

Brock and I were driving home from Wichita tonight after he bought his new guitar and it was a beautiful evening out. Just perfect. We played our upcoming setlist on the radio a couple times through and just sang. We put on other random stuff and eventually came to a song that I have been listening to a lot lately called "Fin Del Mundo" by Paper Mache. It is a song that I put on when I'm thinking about life. Brock wanted to hear a couple of their other songs and luckily he had them on his iPod because I had never heard them. The Vaccine was the first song he played for me because he knows about my love of acoustic music. The vocals are very rough and it doesn't flow like a smooth stream, more like rapids in the Rocky's but the message behind the song was very moving. I'll only give you a couple exerts from the song but check it out. It is a great song.

Many a kid might walk through your bar

Looking for God amongst the drunks and the whores

Give them the vaccine, girl

Help them believe, girl

And she said Love's the vaccine

Gives you a cold to kill your disease

And the hurt you feel is so temporary

Compared to Love, Love, Love

So just Love.

Bike Ride

I just got done with a bike ride. It was a relatively cool 89 degrees out and I had the afternoon off so I figured I would change things up and not go for a walk/run tonight. I took it pretty easy and went six and a half miles and it felt great. I haven't gotten out on my bike in a couple of months because of the heat and because we have been working hard outside and I missed it.

On another note, I would like to add two more items to my "Things That Make Me Happy" list. I would like to add American Eagle socks and American Eagle underwear. Both of these things are fantastic items to wear. I'm sure most of you would rather not hear about my underwear but seriously, they are so damn comfortable to wear. Spandex and cotton combo that you can't beat. Plus I just love all of the colors that there are. The same thing with the socks. I found a couple sets of them on clearance the other day and since I needed new socks and they were pretty cheap I bought them. Glad I did! They are very soft. And again, ver cool colors! If you find some on clearance, gather them up!

Stars

"As I look up to the sky to count the stars, I wonder if you see them where you are"

Tonight Brett and I spent 5 hours hanging out in a pool and drinking a few beers. Dane and Brock joined us after a few hours. We had some good talks about things and it was just a nice and relaxing evening. I had a few friends who had been drinking and they were sending texts and we were having some interesting conversations. It wasn't all easy conversation but oh well. It was nice to have Brett there so I could bounce my thoughts off of him. I would have been a wreck without him. Some of the things pushed the wrong buttons but as is life. We saw well over 50 shooting stars throughout the night and it was just beautiful to enjoy the night sky with someone who never gets to see a sky like ours. The stars always give me hope. There is so much out there if you just keep looking. It's bright and beautiful. Always remember that as you look up to the sky for inspiration or if you are just having a bad day.

Dancing Under The Moonlight

I should be in bed because I have to be up in 6 hours doing more yard work. I enjoy being outside and working on all these projects with my Dad but it is just killing me. The heat got to me yesterday but it's just very strenuous work to be honest and I don't get enough sleep to counter-act that. But at least our back yard is starting to look fabulous.

The other day I was thinking about what my "perfect" date would be. I'm not sure how I got on the subject but I was there. It's hard because after thinking about the topic my response was, "Well, it depends on who I am taking out and what they enjoy." Movies are just a bad choice all around. For us grown ups, a place that allows conversation is needed. If my date and I had a similar interest in a museum or in a place where you can walk and talk and there are things to spur conversation, that would be a good start. Mass Street in Lawrence is a good walk as well. The night would probably end at a coffee house maybe for a drink. Obviously this would work for a first date but I think that is a good start.

Another thing I that got my mind going tonight was a tweet that someone had Re-Tweeted. It said, "Future wife or girlfriend: we will be singing lots of Civil Wars together/to each other - along with dancing under the moonlight." I just thought, wow, I would love to say that to my future significant other. Because I hope the person I am with is thinking the same thing. Do you ever wonder if you have met the person you are going to marry? This is one of those hypotheticals that my friends and I ask from time to time. Almost everyone says no, or I don't think so (unless they are married or engaged). I always respond with I'm not sure. It's easy to assume that every girl I have met and am friends with is not interested in dating because I am still single. I could see myself dating at least 4 of my friends and I know that they will make great wives/mothers. So I can't bring myself to say no, I haven't met that person I will marry. You just never know. Ask Dane how persistence worked for him.

I am sure I could continue on a rant about girls, about dating, about lots of things but I often wonder if it's worth the time. Probably not. With Love, Ian

"And all these demons, they keep me up all night."

Laundry Room

"Last night I dreamt the whole night long

I woke with a head full of songs

I spent the whole day, I wrote 'em down

But its a shame, Tonight I'll burn the lyrics

'Cause every chorus was your name"

Laundry Room by The Avett Brothers.

This song and its lyrics fit many nights for me. Or at least what I hope those nights with you could be.

Living A Good Story

Instead of doing another post about vacation stories I decided to go in a different direction. A couple of weeks ago it was a my birthday and I spent it in Wichita. I went out with friends and it wasn't a bad time. The next day we found out that a man who was supposed to go out with us had died in a car crash on his way home for a wedding. At the same time I started reading "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. There is a section of the book that deals with death. He said (and I am paraphrasing) that people are considered to have died young if their life was worth living, that they were someone who made a difference. I didn't try to think much about it because it can be a troubling topic to think about honestly. But it's a topic that I can't get away from while I am in Colorado. My Grandfather passed away eight years ago and I doubt there is a single member of my family that can visit that special place without thinking about all the memories with Blackie.

How do you lead a good life? I would give anything to know that when I die people say, "He led a great life. He helped people become better. He was a great friend." I couldn't or should say, I didn't always expect people to say that about me. Not all of those things anyway. It's not always easy to change the way you act or change the way people perceive you. No one will ways be 100% changed. Ask an alcoholic how hard it is to stay away from the drink. It is easy for me to think about how easy life used to be, doing whatever I wanted and not caring about how it would affect others or affect my future. But I feel like it would be a waste of a person, a waste of a good life if I didn't stop trying to be the best person I can possibly be. I read an interesting fact in Don's book. "The human body essentially recreates itself every six months. Nearly every cell of hair and skin and bone dies and another is directed to its former place. You are not who you were last November." Change is possible. In fact it's nature.

So how did that post turn from death to that last paragraph? I just hope my life ends up being as good as my Grandfather's was. He was, along with my Dad, one of the greatest men I have known. They changed lives every day. They taught kids life lessons that they will never forget. I can only hope that I am half of the man that they are/were. I don't want to think about death, other than hoping that when my time comes people will say, "He led a life full of happiness. He affected the lives of people in a positive way."

Vacay Day 4

Today was by far the most interesting day of vacation. We went on another hike up the Tonahutu Trail in Rocky Mountain National Park to start the day. It was a trail that I hadn't hiked in years and, while pretty boring, it was a beautiful trail to hike again. After that we took my Grandma up to the Grand Lake Lodge which had been closed for a few years until new owners were found. We made it about halfway up before we had to turn around because Mimi couldn't handle it. They have clear-cut all the dead pine trees away from the road because of the possibility they would fall on the road. If you haven't ever heard about the death of the pine trees in Colorado you should look into it. It's sad, especially for families like mine. Mimi cried so much because of the devastation. It was just too much for her to handle.

My family helped cook dinner tonight and that was a fun time. We all sat outside and enjoyed the evening. I took the kids to play putt-putt which was an interesting time. The kids were a handful and it took a lot of patience to keep everyone in line. Much like a classroom. Andy, Sherri and Erik all got here tonight which was great. They are the people I miss the most because of the distance. I wish I could see them more often than two or three times a year. Andy, Mike, JD, Ryan and I went to the bars and had some drinks and told some great stories. Andy, Ryan and I stayed after everyone and talked about life and raising kids and living a good life. It was a great night. I love my family so much. I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.

Currently Listening To: Up All Night by Blink 182

Vacay Day 3

Today was a sunny and perfect day. The weather was just warm enough to not need a jacket but everyone who spent time on the beach just walked back with a nice sunburn. This morning we hiked the East Inlet Trail up to Adam's Falls and the big meadow. This is a trail we have hiked every year we have been here. There is a marker where all of the grandkids posed for pictures and I can remember most of the kids in the picture this year as babies. It's crazy how time flys. I took a nap during the afternoon while everyone went shopping since I had gone yesterday and it was nice. I spent some time down at the beach watching the kids build sandcastles and watched people taking sailboating classes. It got cloudy this afternoon so I'm hoping a quick shower is heading through. I love the rain smell here.

One of my favorite stories from yesterday was from the fishing trip most of the kids took. My Dad had snagged a trout that was, as he described, the biggest damn trout he had ever had on his line. Now, my father has been coming to Grand Lake for well over 30 years so that is saying something. My Dad was trying to keep from tangling his line with Peyton's as my cousin Ryan was trying to grab a net to catch the fish. My uncle JD was yelling at someone to "man-up" and get into the water to catch the damn fish when it got into the shallow water and got enough slack on the line to get free. Ryan is an avid fisherman and was pissed that a fish that big got away. Visibly pissed for the rest of the night. That just doesn't happen with him around. My uncle JD was giving him shit, telling him he thought he let the fish get free because it was bigger than anything he had caught so far. He also teased him about school, telling him "Aren't you going to Hayden (Topeka) next year?" It was agreat story that was re-told over supper and had everyone laughing, except Ryan. He got over it though and caught some decent trout today.

Hope everyone is enjoying their week.

The Adam's Falls Marker

The Big Meadow, it's really flooded this year so we couldn't get out into it and take our yearly picture on the old fallen tree.

Currently Listening To: Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

Vacay Day 2

The mountains always take my breath away. Day two was spent driving from Denver up into the mountains and into the great town of Grand Lake. The drive is just beautiful. Once we get our first view of Lake Gramby, it feels like home. Mount Baldy over looks Shadow Mountain Lake and is a perfect view. We walked down the boardwalk downtown and went down and watched the kids swim in the lake. It was a pretty relaxing day all around.

Vacay, Day 1

Day 1 of vacation is thankfully over! It was a day full of driving, stopping, driving, battling Denver rush hour (which I usually don't mind but we took the long way through downtown Denver) and finally watching my Mom spend two hours in the Eddie Bauer Outlet store. The best part of the day was the epic lightning storm we had last night. The news said there were over 9,000 strikes of lightning in the Denver Metro area within thirty minutes. It was insane. And Beautiful.

Today will be a another day of driving but it will be spent driving up into the mountains and past all the beautiful lakes and streams, past all the old mining towns, past all the meadows full of big elk and meece (moose). It is my favorite part of vacation. The sun roof will be down and the jackets will be on for the 50 degrees going up Berthoud Pass.

However, this morning I spent a little while setting up my new Google+ account. It looks pretty sweet and, while it may not overtake Facebook, it will make people get another account or at least think twice about tha 'Book. It reminds me of when I first got Facebook because not everyone was allowed to back then. It was strictly college kids who went to a college that paid for Facebook. It was such a cool thing back then! Now my 11-year-old cousins have it because they can lie about their age. Stupid but addicting. That is all for now. My next post will come while I am...in the mountains. And yes, I will add that to every post/activity/tweet I send in the next 5 days. Enjoy!

P.S. My favorite part of the mountains is opening bottles such as shampoo and contact solution after going up altitude changes. EXPLODE!

It's the Wonder of Nature

Tomorrow morning I leave for one of my favorite places that I have had the pleasure of visiting. Grand Lake, Colorado has played a huge part of my summertime memories as far back as I can remember. My father's side of the family, the Lane side, has a tradition of going almost every year at the end of July and renting cabins in the small tourist town. My grandparents used to manage the Lonesome Dove Cabins in town and so we started to vacation there as a family.

It is a very scenic spot, even though all of the trees are dying because of the beetle epidemic. The family memories of hiking up to Adam's Falls and the Big Meadow, driving Pontoon boats on the lake, fishing in the same spot and my father and grandfather did, spending hours on the bumper boats as a kid with all my cousins will always bring a smile to my face. That's why I have many framed pictures from different spots around the Lake and Mount Baldy. It's my happy place.

The last few years have given me chances to drive out by myself because of different things that have come up like Derek's wedding last year. It is a long drive, especially from Kansas City or with back problems but it gives me the best chance to just enjoy nature and enjoy thinking about my life. You get completely different views from the Flint Hills to the flat wheat fields, to the barren land of eastern Colorado and finally the gorgeous snow-capped mountains over Idaho Springs. It's quite a moving experience. Especially if you get the right mix of music playing in the background. One year I had John Williams and Explosions In The Sky going and last year I had a mix of Coldplay and Abandon Kansas. This year I am riding with my family but I can't wait for the moment we stop in Idaho Springs to get our jackets out of the trunk so we can roll down the windows and open the sun roof. The beauty of nature will then proceed to take my breath away.

Currently Listening To: Death In His Grave by John Mark McMillan

I am going to start learning our next setlist for SuperSonic in October. This is the first one I will give a good listen to.

26 and Counting

It has been another year of getting older, feeling older and yet acting and being young. Tonight was a good night with time spent swimming with Brock and Dane and having a country cruise with Brock talking about life and music. I had a bunch of thoughts the other night but I didn't write them down or anything as they seemed like passing thoughts. Brock asked me how it feels to get older and turn 26. It really doesn't feel any different but it does at the same time. It's a weird feeling really. I guess it has more to do with the fact that I'm 26, still in school and living at home. It's not exactly the place I thought I would be at in my life right now. I know growing up we all have these grand visions of success and happiness in our lives. The vision changes for different people but they all include being happy. And not living with our parents.

That last paragraph makes it sound like I am not happy. That is simply not the case. As I was telling Brock, I don't think that I have ever been happier. It took a few years to get back to my vision of happiness and success. If not for a few wayward steps I would not have met so many great people. Brock, Christy, Dane, Emily, Abby, and so many others I am sure I'm forgetting. I would not have re-discovered my love of music and playing music. If it weren't for meeting Brock and Dane I would not have picked up my bass guitar again. Just because of that I am thankful for coming back.

Where did you/do you envision yourself at the age of 26? It's probably not where you will end up but I truly hope that you are as happy as I am now. While there is always something to build on, always something to bitch about, always something that you can change, remember that it's the simple things that make life worth living.

Currently Listening To: See You Soon by Coldplay

Cause in a bulletproof vest, with the windows all closed

I'll be doing my best, and I'll see you soon

In a telescope lens, when all you want is friends

I'll see you soon

Tangled Up In....What?

Summertime is one in which there is plenty of downtime in my life. This summer there has been more of it because of my lack of job, although working for the parents does give me plenty to do. One theme that runs through every summer of mine, and for others I know this is also true, is love. Or in most cases lack thereof. It's something Brock and I talked at length about last summer while working and it was a way, albeit not the best way, to pass the time. Why is it that whenever summer rolls around there's always this feeling of wanting someone more than other seasons? Is it because it's wedding seasons? Because there's more time to go out and do fun things? Who knows but this summer is like all the rest. It has been a feeling I can get rid of quickly usually but because my best friend just got married and a few of my other close friends are set to be wed it is a feeling that comes around more often than not. That's why we have the phrase #FriskySummerLoving for twitter.

One song that really makes me wonder about love is Tangled Up In You by Aaron Lewis. It was played at Brett's wedding and I had a wonderful dance to it with a wonderful person. It is a song that I would love to dance to at my wedding but it really makes me think about what I am missing. I'm not stuck on an ex-girlfriend or missing one or anything like that. What I am tangled up in is that feeling of love. If you have never experienced that feeling of love or lust, of wanting to spend every minute with someone then you are truly missing out. It is one of the greatest feelings in the world. And that makes it harder to obtain and keep than most feelings. To some it's probably like a drug, always looking for that euphoria of being wanted and of being needed. I believe that deep down everyone wants to find love and I am no different. I would be so happy if I had someone that I loved. I am a hopeless romantic, sometimes to a fault. I believe in true happiness and one day I will find it.

Ramblings during a late night blog session. These are the things I think about late at night while everyone else is getting their sleep ready to embark on another meaningful day. Sometimes I feel inspired while others, like tonight, I just dwell on the things that I cannot control.

Re: Stacks by Bon Iver says it best: I keep throwing down two-hundred at a time, It's hard to find it when you knew it, When you're money's gone and you're drunk as hell.

It's hard to find love again once you knew it. Remember that.

Favorite Picture From the Weller's Wedding

The Wedding Band of Men and Women

The last four days have been some of the most fulfilling of my life and some of the most hard-working, non-stop days of my life. My best friend Brett just got married and the wedding and reception could not have been more beautiful or fun. The setting for the reception was a perfect, but slightly hot summer night on Hannah's homestead and the tent and decorations provided a perfect background. While it took tons of sweat, work and a little blood it was all worth it. Looking back at it I wouldn't change a thing. All of the problems we had, especially the tent ripping and needing to be replaced, made everything that much more memorable. Brett said it best when he said "No one will no how hard we worked to make this place look good." He's right but I think that is endearing to us. We will cherish the moments there more because of what we had to do. We appreciate the scenery a little more than everyone else. It will be one of those weekends where you don't remember everything right now but in a few weeks funny quotes, funny actions and fun times will slowly creep back into your thoughts and you'll randomly laugh or smile at those memories.

Friday night with all of the guys, and Sara, will go down as one of the best nights of my life. Starting at the Saloon and ending in the lodge living room and walking all the dirt roads in between, I will never forget singing in the middle of the country while it was storming all around us. We had talks that entrenched friendships and built more bonds that won't be broken. I met a few new friends and got to enjoy all my old ones as well. I will never forget that walk and those conversations.

Favorite Quote of the weekend: "I have to keep tying me lei shorter because when I go pee I keep tearing it.......(as I give a weird look) I guess I am an emotional pee-er." -Jana

Favorite Tweet of the weekend: @ianlane52: We had quite the celebration for @Brett_Weller tonight. Burned up the dance floor all night. My work here is done.

Favorite picture that I have (the only picture I have at the moment): Brock and Joe. The picture of Brett and Hannah kissing under the fireworks will always be my favorite one of the whole weekend.

Song of the weekend: Wagon Wheel or The Scientist

I tried to say Thank You as often as I could to the people who helped make this wedding possible. To Anna, Jana, Brock, Dane, Joe, Craig, Branden, Jake, Sara, and Anne Marie, THANK YOU again.

No Bueno

Hint: Never watch the movie "Taken" while you have a female friend in Europe. It will only make things worse. Trust me.

Vox

I love to sing. Most people know this for a fact. Music is one of my passions and there is nothing better than singing along to a song that means a lot to you. I have recently been allowed to sing more and more with when my "band" has shows to play. July 4th we are playing at the fair grounds again and for the first time ever my vocals will play an integral part of two songs. I mean in a huge way. I'm nervous as crap. It's never a big deal when I'm singing in the car with friends or when I'm just being an idiot on a road trip. However, it's entirely different when singing in front of people and having to sing loud. It takes a lot of focus and I never really understood that. Playing along to a song and singing is also a big thing. Hitting my vocal notes and bass notes takes practice and lots of it. I'm hoping our show goes well, which it should. But I am really enjoying being told that I can sing well enough to do it in front of others. For years I was told by certain people that I shouldn't sing in the car because I sucked at it so when people tell me, "Hey, good job. I enjoyed that harmony," I get a wonderful feeling of joy. Thank you if you have complimented me recently. It means a lot.

The Chosen One

The part of Best Man in a wedding is one that I am taking very seriously because it is such an honor for me to have been chosen by Brett. I hope that I am doing everything the way that it should be done and that I have made life a little easier for him throughout this process. I am attempting to make it as fun as it can be. Craig and I are full of ideas, some great, some not. Some days I think I'm just annoying because of all the ideas I pose to Brett and Hannah. He's probably regretted his decision a few times. I have just finished writing the first draft of my speech and I think it's funny and serious at the same time. I do hope that everyone finds it entertaining. I guess I don't really have anything else. Goodnight.

Happily Ever After....

It is wedding season yet again which is great because that means my best friend Brett and his fiance are to be wed in a few short weeks. However, that also means that another wedding happened. My ex-girlfriend got married yesterday to a man she has been engaged with for some time now and I'm feeling weird about it. I can honestly say I am happy for her and I wish her nothing but the best. However, it's weird to hear or think about her getting married because I was sure at one point in my life that I would be the one to marry her. It was plain as day that our relationship needed to end and it was in the best interest for both of us but I never thought this day would come so soon. One day I will get married to a woman that I love and I hope Becca wishes nothing but the best for me (which I am sure she does) but I wonder if she will feel the same way? It's a hard feeling to describe but one that stands out nonetheless.

I'll Take A Holiday Far Away

Do you have those songs in your life that, when they appear on your iPod, you remember the first time you heard them? I have plenty of those and I love it when they pop up here and there. It really does take me back. This weekend I traveled to Oberlin, KS to see my cousin Andy and his family since they were back home from Colorado to play a show. I really don't get enough of them. Andy and I have great, in-depth talks that I enjoy. Anyway, on the way home, at about 1 in the morning, the song "Tickets and Passports" by Holiday Parade came on over the radio and it had probably been 8 months since I have heard that song. This song is one of those that I can remember the first time I ever heard it.

I was on the road in between Wichita and Emporia at about 3 or 4 in the morning, driving by myself. It was right before Christmas time and the sky was crisp and bright, like it can only be during the winter months. I still had my Sebring at the time. I had just seen Abandon Kansas that night in Wichita and it didn't turn out well at all. My ex-girlfriend had just got engaged that night. See all the details I remember? I will post the lyrics to the song now and continue the post after that.

I'll take a holiday far away
To where the bright lights burn a little less every day
I'm going to find a place that's just for me
It may take forever
I know, Forever'd be ok

I'm counting down the headlights thinking
That I believe the world is sinking
And everybody longs for something
I'd give it all again to feel it

I met a pretty girl from the coast of Spain
And as she'd count the stars she knew them all by name
She had the saddest eyes I've ever seen
But when she smiled
I'd know, Exactly what she means

Chorus

It's how the sunlight burns my eyes
Every morning when I rise
It's how I'm pulled to the horizon
Like a love that just won't die
And when the sun becomes the moon
It breaks the world I fell into
It's how it all comes back to you
And I know, I'm not going to change

Chorus

I'll run until the end of the time
The second hand slowly unwinds
There's time to rest after I die
And until then these days are like
Our last goodbye to what we know
We'll pack out bags and hit the road
These tickets and passports lead me home
As we sing all night

I think the reference to the headlights was what first got my attention to the song. The lyrics about longing for something and giving it all to feel lit again really hit home since my ex had just gotten engaged as well. I was happy for her but once I was all alone I felt like I was then missing something. That night was also the first time I had spent time alone with a girl that I am very good friends with now but at the time we had only known each other about a month. After leaving her house I just had this feeling that she was someone I could see myself with, that she could fill that feeling I had been searching for. Of course that didn't happen but this was the first girl who I really felt like I had a connection with. She was and is someone I compare others to to see if they would stack up against her. As the saying goes, a guy and a girl are only friends because one of them had feelings for the other at the beginning.

The ending of this song made me want to just keep driving. At this time in my life I was working still and just doing everything on a whim, like going to see Abandon Kansas. It was a great freedom that I miss sometimes because school gets in the way these days but something that I'm glad I had a chance to enjoy. This song took me back to that night, to those days of late night driving. It feels now like I was running from something, but what? Who knows but after listening to this song on repeat for about an hour I moved on to the next random song. I couldn't tell you what it was or any other song from that 4 hour drive but this one I won't forget. It makes me appreciate my relationships with friends and makes me wonder what might have been?

Timshel, Part Two

I wrote a previous entry about the song "Timshel" by Mumford and Sons awhile ago and it was a post that I loved writing. The song is just one that moves me and it is filled with amazing harmonies. It is simple, perfectly simple. Marcus Mumford wrote the song after being inspired by the book East of Eden by Steinbeck. To me, the song boils down to these words, and they are inspiring ones:

And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

You can take this for what it's worth because I have read hundreds of responses to what this song means to people and, while everyone has different views, I love that it inspires people all the same. This song reminds me that we all have choices to make in this lifetime that will define us, that will lead us down a certain path. Not all of my choices have been the smart ones and looking back I wish I had chosen the path most followed. All I can do is make the choices that will make me great, not anyone else. But, no matter the choice I make, the path that I follow, I will always have someone there for me. I will always have a friend, a parent, a family member who will be there to help me along the way. All I can do is hope to be great.

This and That

It's the countdown until the end of the semester and I can't be more happy for that. It has been a wonderful first semester at K-State and I have enjoyed most of my time on and around campus. The "big campus" experience has been a much better one that I had imagined it would be and I am very thankful for that. Brock helped a lot with that because we got to bro-out quite a bit the last few months. I am happy with the way most of my classes went but I know that I could have done better. Hopefully I have adjusted well and next semester will go a little smoother.

One of the hardest parts about this semester was meeting new people. There are a few people that I have become friends with but for the most part everyone is ahead in their graduation plans than I am and it sucks. It will hopefully be better next year because I should be in classes with people who will start their Blocks at the same time as I will. Right now I am playing catch up and everyone I'm meeting now I won't have in classes any more. At least I am meeting some people.

Brett was home this weekend and we got to hang out with just the guys which was really nice. He and I had a good talk in the middle of the street until 3 in the morning, just catching up on life and having the usual pep talks everyone needs from their best friends from time to time. It's nice to have him around. Brock and Dane are great to have around but since I see them so much it's just not the same as getting a face to face talk with Brett or Craig. They know me better than anyone so they can tell when to call me a baby and to suck it up. I guess that's it. Nothing exciting or deep going on right now. Maybe more later?

-It also must be getting close to summer because I've been listening to country more lately.

Rising From The Ashes

"And It's from the ashes that we yearn,
To be the phoenix that rises up from the flames"

-Go Radio

Grace

I'm caught in the rhythms of grace
They overcome all of my ways
Realigning each step everyday
To live for Your glory

Push and Pull

Two years and 5 months. 880 days. Give or take a few. That was the last time I was in a relationship (and no, I didn't know that, I had to go back and add it up). This isn't a big deal to me. In fact, most of the time I love being single. I can spend my time and money with my friends and don't have to worry about saving some for special weekends or stretch myself too thin on the time I have for school work. I can talk to all my friends who are girls without having to worry about jealousy or watching what I say and how flirty I am. As sexist as it is, I can look at a beautiful girls when I see them. No one will slap me for it or not talk to me for 2 days for it.

That being said, there are days or times that I just get a yearning for wanting to date someone. Someone who I can go see, have a deep connection with, that I can get a hug from. There's really nothing like having a girlfriend who compliments your life. No one can complete my life, I do that myself but finding someone who can just make it better and make adventures more fun is something that cannot be replaced by friends.

There's that push of not wanting to be tied down or have the responsibility of having to call someone and stay in touch and make sure they are having a good day and the pull of having all of those things on your plate. Having someone there when you are having a bad day is just a nice thought. Brock and I always see girls at the rec center and just think gosh it would be nice to be able to go out to the movies with her or go have dinner with her.

These thoughts don't ever weigh on me or stay with me too much. The nights I am sitting here by myself and have girls text me are the other times that I feel like having a girlfriend would be nice.

Rambling. That's all this is.

Spring Break Day 7

My day was spent fishing, playing tag with the kids, fishing Reece out of the pond, shopping for antiques, watching KU win, eating entirely too much food and now listening to the new Mae album which I am finding out is very piano-driven and relaxing. Enjoy the pictures. More tomorrow!

The morning view of the big pond.

The view of the cabin from the end of the dock (Reece and Peyton fishing)

The grill getting ready for some pork burgers.

The only "antique" we bought today. Everyone is very excited about this except my Mom. Where else have you seen a fully functioning piece of armor? And for $20?? A picture with someone wearing it tomorrow.

Spring Break Day 6

Spring break continues to be a wonderful time for me. For the third day in a row I got some shopping done. I've gotten some new shirts, some new pants, a new cardigan, some new products from Bath and Bodyworks (girly but the stuff is kickass), a new pillow, and 2 new books. Today I left Wichita for Arkansas City where my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Jay have a cabin outside of town. I'm here with 20 of my closest family members and have been enjoying their company immensely. We watched some basketball, played board games, fished, talked about this summer's vacation and cooked some delicious food. It's great having all my little cousins around to play with and talk to. I rarely get to see them. Tomorrow will be spent shopping and doing a little gambling before we gather for the KU game. Rock Chalk! More pictures to come!

The view from the front porch of the cabin

About 1/3 of the wine barrels that my uncle has out here. These are imported from France and filled with wine from 2009 I believe. Other barrels are from Italy and California

The Lobster

My last post referenced a man many of you do not know. This is a man that I don't really know, at least these days. Tyler Baxter was someone who I could turn to for anything. He was someone who knew what to say when I couldn't find the words, or when others were too scared to say anything. He was someone I admired a great deal. He put his family before everything and for that I guess I shouldn't ever get upset with the way he's treated us. We thought he was our best friend, the fourth leg of our quad-pod group. I have always forgiven him more than the others I think because of the hard things I have been through in my life since I was a freshman at Emporia but he's never ditched me the way he has ditch my other friends.

Tyler is the guy who got me hooked on Kenny Chesney during the summertime. He is the guy who made me want to join Sigma Pi and become a leader that they needed. Tyler was a Washburn guy at heart trying to keep the promises he made to his Emporia State friends. He was the guy who listened to his heart and what was right for him and not what was best for our friendships. I'm not saying it was our faults that we aren't friends with him anymore, but it probably wasn't easy for him. He cut us out of his life for a reason and I pray that he is better off because of it because I miss him dearly. Tyler was one of my best friends in this world and there aren't a lot of people like that bald headed man in it.

I will share the story about why this post is titled "The Lobster." Back in the spring of 2005 my parents were thinking about buying a house for my friends and I to live in after we moved out of the dorms that semester (I am so glad they decided not to). We were all going to live it just like we had all been living together in room 306. Me, Brett, Craig and Tyler were all going to move in. It was a great idea. That is until Tyler came up to us and told us about Sig Pi. He had pledged Sig Pi the first semester we were at Emporia State and decided he was going to move home at Christmas break because he hated it. He quit being a pledge. He didn't like a thing about that town and school. Until he met us. He decided that since he was staying at ESU he would re-pledge Sig Pi. We didn't care about that and thought it would be cool to have a friend in a frat that we could go party at.

But being in Sig Pi obviously meant that he couldn't live with us. It wasn't a devastating blow or something we got mad at him about (especially since Craig and I ended pledging anyway) but we couldn't let him get away with it without giving him a hard time. One day Craig, Brett and I were walking around Wal-Mart and noticed the giant tanks of lobsters they had in the produce area and decided that it looked like a sun burnt Tyler Baxter. Red and bald. Eventually he asked who we were going to have live with us instead of him and we told him that no one would move into the room he was to occupy, but that we would buy a lobster, take care of it, let it grow, and then eventually eat it.

From that time on we called him the Lobster. It's one of those random stories that always makes me laugh and whenever I see an actual lobster or Red Lobster commercial I think of him. And that's what makes his choice to ignore us so hard. I can't just forget about him or all the times we had together. All the close talks we had, the times we cried together. I'm reminded of him constantly and it sucks. I hope, deep down, that he will come with us to celebrate Brett's big day with us guys, the ones who convinced him to stay at a place he hated. Tyler, I love you and pray that you have found an easier life and a better life. We all have and we all miss you just the same.