Change

Tonight I went on a walk after falling asleep during the KU game. It was such a great night for it, clear and chilly, but not cold. I love nights like tonight. I ended up spending a couple hours outside and walking four miles. Nights like tonight allow me to just have alone time and allow me to gather my thoughts that usually flow like a rushing river out of my head every day. I don't know what you do personally to just relax and give yourself a review of the previous week or so but this is something that helps me out a great deal. I put on some acoustic music and just enjoy the peace and serenity of the night skies.

There were many thoughts that went through my head tonight, most of them good but some not so good. That is what life is all about though, right? Today in my Children's Literature class we discussed our book that we have been reading and what the kids have been going through in the story. We talked about how the boy is trying to decide who he is. Someone mentioned how hard teenage years are because you don't know exactly who you are or who you want to be. Tonight I decided that at 25, I don't think it has gotten much easier for myself. I still struggle with trying to be the person I would like to end up being and the person I have been before. How much change is needed? How much is too much? How much is brought on by trying to please others and not myself? A friend of mine wrote a two-part post about his thoughts on changing and if you are interested in reading them you should go check out his blog. He writes with great depth and thought.

I would like to think that most of the changes in my life have been born out of necessity rather than want or needs to impress. The bigger changes I am sure are because of the need to be a better person, friend, ect. However sometimes I wonder if the smaller changes are just done to try and fit in with new friends or a new school. I have changed the style of clothes I wear a considerable amount over the years but I think a lot of that has to do with being more mature and not wanting to wear a grey t-shirt and shorts all the time. I never used to care how I looked because it just never mattered. Who was I trying to impress anyway? Now I enjoy wearing different styles and I think it's just fun to have a better sense of style than I used to.

The music I listen to has also changed over the years. Of course I still listen to bands like Blink 182, All Time Low and Mayday Parade but I find myself gravitating towards bands that speak to my current age and current life. Mumford and Sons, Abandon Kansas, Brandon Flowers. They all write songs that really make me about things a little bit more than songs about girls and how stupid they are or going out and drinking with the boys.

I still have plenty to work on of course because we are all unfinished and being remodeled all the time. I have plenty of problems that I have to deal with daily. I have trouble being motivated to do things that I don't always find enjoyable, like school. There are days when I just convince myself that I don't need to go to this class or that class. It's a horrible habit that I am working very hard to break and I have made progress, just not as much as I would like. I have gotten better about saving money and not spending it on stupid things but I could always be better about it. I still find myself wanting things I don't need and these days it is much easier to remind myself why I don't need those things.

I know this is all just a jumble of words and thoughts thrown into a post but it really does help me get over my biggest problems. It helps so much when I write things down in a blog or in a letter that never gets sent. Hopefully it keeps me floating towards my ultimate goals and maybe it will give others an insight to how I think.

Currently Listening to: Give and Take by Abandon Kansas