Terrible Things

I heard this song today by Mayday Parade that is off their new EP Valdosta and I decided it was probably my favorite song they have written. It is a very sad song about a father talking to his son about his mother, about life and love. But dang is it good.

Terrible Things by Mayday Parade

By the time I was your age I'd give anything

To fall in love truly was all I could think

That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams

The most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen

She said boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I can't help but notice you staring at me

I know I shouldn't say this but I really believe

I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me

But son I'm only telling you this

Because life can do terrible things

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink

And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything

Too young to notice and too dumb to care

Love was the story that couldn't compare

I said girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I made you a present with paper and string

Open with care, now I'm asking you please

You know that I love you, will you marry me?

Now son I'm only telling you this

Because life can do terrible things

You'll learn one day I hope and I pray

That God shows you differently

She said boy can I tell you a terrible thing?

It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks

Please don't be sad now I really believe

You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me

Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees

So don't fall in love there's just too much to lose

If you're given the choice then I'm begging you choose

To walk away, walk away don't let it get you

I can't bare to see the same happen to you

Now son I'm only telling you this

Because life can do terrible things

Epiphany

I heard this song on Jersey Shore the other night and just loved it. It's not the best song ever but it fit the episode and every once in awhile applies to myself. I know, you're saying to yourself, "Really Ian? Jersey Shore?" Sue me. It's one of my guilty pleasures.

"I tried so damn hard to fix you

To make you believe in what I see

If you want to be broken, be broken

I won't dare try to mend you again

I've tried my best to get through

But there's no getting in"

The lyrics just fit sometimes. There's only so much energy and time I can give you before I should realize what I'm doing won't ever work. It's just not that easy. Nothing ever really is. Don't we all need that one moment of clarity, that epiphany that allows us to say, "I'm dumb for continuing to try." I haven't had it yet but one of these days it will happen. Life is never easy and I'm not sure one can ever have that moment of instant understanding. For instance, do you believe in love at first sight? I don't. I don't think you can love anyone the first time you meet them. Lust at first sight would fit. But lust isn't something we search for, something we yearn for. Love is. Everyone wants to be loved and to love, plain and simple.

This song is for you. I do my best to show you how I see you because you can't see that for yourself. All I can do is remind you how wonderful you are because no one else does. I'm not sure if you will ever be whole again but sometimes I think I could solve that. I don't try and mend you because I'm not sure you want that from me. Were you broken beyond repair? Only one person can answer that, although I'm not sure you can yourself.

Walking In A Winter Wonderland Mix

Snow. Although I am tired of it I really did enjoy walking on campus while it was spitting down. Of course during this time of the year I needed to make a special play list just for those times when I can get out and walk around in the snow. I figured I would share this playlist on here. It just gets you in the mood for snowy walks. It's mostly acoustic or piano driven and very relaxing.

Re:Stacks by Bon Iver

Who Are We Fooling by Brooke Fraser

Fix You by Coldplay

California by Copeland

January Hymn by The Decemberists

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Tornado by Jonsi

Love and Alter by The Low Anthem

Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons

The Tip of the Iceberg by Owl City

Jolene by Ray LaMontagne

It's A Plague by Progress In Color

'Til We See The Shore by Seabird

Run by Snow Patrol

New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday

You Can't Evade Them by Weaver At The Loom

Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band

Desktops

I really have nothing to write about tonight. I asked for ideas and was given weather. The weather sucks and I am wishing and hoping we don't get much snow. I love winter and cold but a month of walking on campus has made me wish for spring rains. I love having my new Mac, Macy, to fiddle around with. It was the best Christmas present ever! However, because I am on it so much I find myself switching desktops a lot. I thought I would just put up a few of them on here just to inject some color into my post. Do you have a favorite?

David Crowder

Kings of Leon

Blink 182

Butterflies at a Coldplay show. One of my favorite pictures ever.

Earn This

I am up this late for one specific reason. I was playing basketball tonight with Dane and others at the church in my attempt to be more healthy and active. Of course, like the past 2 years of trying to be more healthy and active, my actions have led to injury. No surgery is required this time, unless something is more wrong than the doctor thought, which is very possible since this is the same doctor who told me surgery wasn't needed on my back for 3 months. I suffered major swelling and a third or fourth degree sprain of the ankle, I like to say 4 because it sounds worse. No broken bones thank goodness. Crutches, thanks to a late night visit from my Aunt Carrie and the RICE (Rest Ice Compression and Elevation) method will be my treatment for the next week. This is significant because tomorrow of course is the first day of classes at K-State, a campus which is significantly larger in scale than ANYTHING I am accustomed to. It should be a fun and long four days of classes. Hopefully my teachers are okay with me being slowed down.

For the past two days I have had a saying swirling through my head and I finally decided to write about it as I lay here waiting for my Hydrocodine to kick in. The movie "Saving Private Ryan" is about a group of men who are charged with finding Private James Ryan in the middle of World War II so he can go home to his mother. He is unaware that his three brothers have died in battle and he is all his mother has left. The troops assigned this job of finding a needle in a haystack do not agree with it because saving one person is costing more lives in the process but like most soldiers they end up doing their job.

After finding Private Ryan of course they fight the over matched Germans and are fleeing across the bridge to safety when Capt. John Miller is mortally wounded and pulls Private Ryan aside. His final words to the man whom he gave his life for are "Earn This." He wants to give him a reminder of what others have sacrificed for him to stay alive and go home. Of course the movie ends with an old Private Ryan standing over the grave of Capt. Miller wondering if he has lived a good enough life to have earned this man's ultimate sacrifice. He has his family there and they re-assure him that he has lived a wonderful life and they are thankful for all those who helped bring him home from Europe.

Long recap, I know. Earn This is something I am trying to do. I am trying to live my life to show others that their sacrifices are worthy and will not be worthless. I haven't always thought this way. I have wasted many opportunities in my life and many times have not earned anything. I'm very lucky to have the best family, a giving family that will do whatever is within their power to see that I have the tools needed to succeed in my life and for that I am forever thankful and humble. A few years ago thankfulness and humbleness weren't on my radar. I was too busy living a life that led me to having fun times, ultimately destructive times.

There are so many people who have less than I have and I can now see how lucky I am to have parents who give their time and effort without hesitation to help their child who, in their eyes, hasn't always been a sure bet. I have spent many sleepless nights this break wondering what it's been like for them since I graduated high school and ended up back home, considered by many a failure at school. I cannot fathom the depth of their love, the love someone has for their child. All I know is what their love and commitment has meant for my life: a second chance. It is a time for me to show them that I am not a man who will give up on school and who will one day repay them the huge sacrifice they have spent on me. Tonight was another time where my parents were there, one phone call away to help take me to the hospital, offer to leave work so they could drive me to school and help with whatever I needed tomorrow. It is with great humbleness that I write this entry, knowing that everyone in my life is a phone call away. Some things you take for granted until it's no longer there. I hope you are all there for me because without you, I would be in a world that wasn't recognizable.

I am filled with excitement (and painkillers) as I sit awake in the dark, waiting for the days first light so I can start a new chapter of my life. A chapter that is no where near the end, God willing, but one that will be the most important one of my life up to this point. The coming months and years will be a defining time for me, replacing what has been at times a dreary and cloudy future. There is only one reason I am in the position to be the man I was made to be. And that reason is LOVE. The love of my wonderful parents and family and the love of my friends whom have always been a ring away. Thank you everyone for helping me climb out of the crater that I created for myself and putting me in a position to make you all proud of me. I promise that this time I won't take that love for granted and I will EARN THIS.

"Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free, be more like the man you were made to be."

Currently Listening To: Jolene by Ray LaMontange

This and That

I don't think it's hit me yet. I have done four days of 30 Day Shred so far because I have a goal to lose weight. Major weight. It's hard to think about because my goal time to lose it is still so far away. The date is June 18th when Brett and Hannah get married. I have been determined to watch what I eat more and exercise regularly but it's hard because there have been many days where I think to myself "I have plenty of time to lose this weight." Staying motivated will be and has been my biggest problem but if this isn't a big enough motivator, what would be?

Tonight I was in a thinking mood, staying home by myself and skipping on the video games. I was organizing my external hard drive when I found an old essay by a friend about girls. It made me think of my days back at Emporia State and what life was like then. Life was about girls, friends, money and fun. And that made me realize something about my life today. It's still about girls, friends, money and fun. But I think differently about all of them. I'm not worried about girls except being great friends with people, no matter where that leads. I cherish my friends today more than I did back then because I know how much they have meant to my life. I'm more worried about money than I was back then but that's a natural thing since I'm older. Fun is something I see less of these days but that's okay because I had plenty of that in the past. It's fun to think about all the times I had in Emporia and learn from my mistakes and know that I am excited and ready for K-State. Except being a Wildcat. Yeck.

What defines you?

"There is a difference between what we know and what we believe and sometimes it's the difference that defines us." I am not sure where I was when I heard this but I immediately wrote it down in my phone notes so I could remember it. It's a great statement and one that we should always remember.