Earn This

I am up this late for one specific reason. I was playing basketball tonight with Dane and others at the church in my attempt to be more healthy and active. Of course, like the past 2 years of trying to be more healthy and active, my actions have led to injury. No surgery is required this time, unless something is more wrong than the doctor thought, which is very possible since this is the same doctor who told me surgery wasn't needed on my back for 3 months. I suffered major swelling and a third or fourth degree sprain of the ankle, I like to say 4 because it sounds worse. No broken bones thank goodness. Crutches, thanks to a late night visit from my Aunt Carrie and the RICE (Rest Ice Compression and Elevation) method will be my treatment for the next week. This is significant because tomorrow of course is the first day of classes at K-State, a campus which is significantly larger in scale than ANYTHING I am accustomed to. It should be a fun and long four days of classes. Hopefully my teachers are okay with me being slowed down.

For the past two days I have had a saying swirling through my head and I finally decided to write about it as I lay here waiting for my Hydrocodine to kick in. The movie "Saving Private Ryan" is about a group of men who are charged with finding Private James Ryan in the middle of World War II so he can go home to his mother. He is unaware that his three brothers have died in battle and he is all his mother has left. The troops assigned this job of finding a needle in a haystack do not agree with it because saving one person is costing more lives in the process but like most soldiers they end up doing their job.

After finding Private Ryan of course they fight the over matched Germans and are fleeing across the bridge to safety when Capt. John Miller is mortally wounded and pulls Private Ryan aside. His final words to the man whom he gave his life for are "Earn This." He wants to give him a reminder of what others have sacrificed for him to stay alive and go home. Of course the movie ends with an old Private Ryan standing over the grave of Capt. Miller wondering if he has lived a good enough life to have earned this man's ultimate sacrifice. He has his family there and they re-assure him that he has lived a wonderful life and they are thankful for all those who helped bring him home from Europe.

Long recap, I know. Earn This is something I am trying to do. I am trying to live my life to show others that their sacrifices are worthy and will not be worthless. I haven't always thought this way. I have wasted many opportunities in my life and many times have not earned anything. I'm very lucky to have the best family, a giving family that will do whatever is within their power to see that I have the tools needed to succeed in my life and for that I am forever thankful and humble. A few years ago thankfulness and humbleness weren't on my radar. I was too busy living a life that led me to having fun times, ultimately destructive times.

There are so many people who have less than I have and I can now see how lucky I am to have parents who give their time and effort without hesitation to help their child who, in their eyes, hasn't always been a sure bet. I have spent many sleepless nights this break wondering what it's been like for them since I graduated high school and ended up back home, considered by many a failure at school. I cannot fathom the depth of their love, the love someone has for their child. All I know is what their love and commitment has meant for my life: a second chance. It is a time for me to show them that I am not a man who will give up on school and who will one day repay them the huge sacrifice they have spent on me. Tonight was another time where my parents were there, one phone call away to help take me to the hospital, offer to leave work so they could drive me to school and help with whatever I needed tomorrow. It is with great humbleness that I write this entry, knowing that everyone in my life is a phone call away. Some things you take for granted until it's no longer there. I hope you are all there for me because without you, I would be in a world that wasn't recognizable.

I am filled with excitement (and painkillers) as I sit awake in the dark, waiting for the days first light so I can start a new chapter of my life. A chapter that is no where near the end, God willing, but one that will be the most important one of my life up to this point. The coming months and years will be a defining time for me, replacing what has been at times a dreary and cloudy future. There is only one reason I am in the position to be the man I was made to be. And that reason is LOVE. The love of my wonderful parents and family and the love of my friends whom have always been a ring away. Thank you everyone for helping me climb out of the crater that I created for myself and putting me in a position to make you all proud of me. I promise that this time I won't take that love for granted and I will EARN THIS.

"Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free, be more like the man you were made to be."

Currently Listening To: Jolene by Ray LaMontange