Grace

I'm caught in the rhythms of grace
They overcome all of my ways
Realigning each step everyday
To live for Your glory

Push and Pull

Two years and 5 months. 880 days. Give or take a few. That was the last time I was in a relationship (and no, I didn't know that, I had to go back and add it up). This isn't a big deal to me. In fact, most of the time I love being single. I can spend my time and money with my friends and don't have to worry about saving some for special weekends or stretch myself too thin on the time I have for school work. I can talk to all my friends who are girls without having to worry about jealousy or watching what I say and how flirty I am. As sexist as it is, I can look at a beautiful girls when I see them. No one will slap me for it or not talk to me for 2 days for it.

That being said, there are days or times that I just get a yearning for wanting to date someone. Someone who I can go see, have a deep connection with, that I can get a hug from. There's really nothing like having a girlfriend who compliments your life. No one can complete my life, I do that myself but finding someone who can just make it better and make adventures more fun is something that cannot be replaced by friends.

There's that push of not wanting to be tied down or have the responsibility of having to call someone and stay in touch and make sure they are having a good day and the pull of having all of those things on your plate. Having someone there when you are having a bad day is just a nice thought. Brock and I always see girls at the rec center and just think gosh it would be nice to be able to go out to the movies with her or go have dinner with her.

These thoughts don't ever weigh on me or stay with me too much. The nights I am sitting here by myself and have girls text me are the other times that I feel like having a girlfriend would be nice.

Rambling. That's all this is.

Spring Break Day 7

My day was spent fishing, playing tag with the kids, fishing Reece out of the pond, shopping for antiques, watching KU win, eating entirely too much food and now listening to the new Mae album which I am finding out is very piano-driven and relaxing. Enjoy the pictures. More tomorrow!

The morning view of the big pond.

The view of the cabin from the end of the dock (Reece and Peyton fishing)

The grill getting ready for some pork burgers.

The only "antique" we bought today. Everyone is very excited about this except my Mom. Where else have you seen a fully functioning piece of armor? And for $20?? A picture with someone wearing it tomorrow.

Spring Break Day 6

Spring break continues to be a wonderful time for me. For the third day in a row I got some shopping done. I've gotten some new shirts, some new pants, a new cardigan, some new products from Bath and Bodyworks (girly but the stuff is kickass), a new pillow, and 2 new books. Today I left Wichita for Arkansas City where my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Jay have a cabin outside of town. I'm here with 20 of my closest family members and have been enjoying their company immensely. We watched some basketball, played board games, fished, talked about this summer's vacation and cooked some delicious food. It's great having all my little cousins around to play with and talk to. I rarely get to see them. Tomorrow will be spent shopping and doing a little gambling before we gather for the KU game. Rock Chalk! More pictures to come!

The view from the front porch of the cabin

About 1/3 of the wine barrels that my uncle has out here. These are imported from France and filled with wine from 2009 I believe. Other barrels are from Italy and California

The Lobster

My last post referenced a man many of you do not know. This is a man that I don't really know, at least these days. Tyler Baxter was someone who I could turn to for anything. He was someone who knew what to say when I couldn't find the words, or when others were too scared to say anything. He was someone I admired a great deal. He put his family before everything and for that I guess I shouldn't ever get upset with the way he's treated us. We thought he was our best friend, the fourth leg of our quad-pod group. I have always forgiven him more than the others I think because of the hard things I have been through in my life since I was a freshman at Emporia but he's never ditched me the way he has ditch my other friends.

Tyler is the guy who got me hooked on Kenny Chesney during the summertime. He is the guy who made me want to join Sigma Pi and become a leader that they needed. Tyler was a Washburn guy at heart trying to keep the promises he made to his Emporia State friends. He was the guy who listened to his heart and what was right for him and not what was best for our friendships. I'm not saying it was our faults that we aren't friends with him anymore, but it probably wasn't easy for him. He cut us out of his life for a reason and I pray that he is better off because of it because I miss him dearly. Tyler was one of my best friends in this world and there aren't a lot of people like that bald headed man in it.

I will share the story about why this post is titled "The Lobster." Back in the spring of 2005 my parents were thinking about buying a house for my friends and I to live in after we moved out of the dorms that semester (I am so glad they decided not to). We were all going to live it just like we had all been living together in room 306. Me, Brett, Craig and Tyler were all going to move in. It was a great idea. That is until Tyler came up to us and told us about Sig Pi. He had pledged Sig Pi the first semester we were at Emporia State and decided he was going to move home at Christmas break because he hated it. He quit being a pledge. He didn't like a thing about that town and school. Until he met us. He decided that since he was staying at ESU he would re-pledge Sig Pi. We didn't care about that and thought it would be cool to have a friend in a frat that we could go party at.

But being in Sig Pi obviously meant that he couldn't live with us. It wasn't a devastating blow or something we got mad at him about (especially since Craig and I ended pledging anyway) but we couldn't let him get away with it without giving him a hard time. One day Craig, Brett and I were walking around Wal-Mart and noticed the giant tanks of lobsters they had in the produce area and decided that it looked like a sun burnt Tyler Baxter. Red and bald. Eventually he asked who we were going to have live with us instead of him and we told him that no one would move into the room he was to occupy, but that we would buy a lobster, take care of it, let it grow, and then eventually eat it.

From that time on we called him the Lobster. It's one of those random stories that always makes me laugh and whenever I see an actual lobster or Red Lobster commercial I think of him. And that's what makes his choice to ignore us so hard. I can't just forget about him or all the times we had together. All the close talks we had, the times we cried together. I'm reminded of him constantly and it sucks. I hope, deep down, that he will come with us to celebrate Brett's big day with us guys, the ones who convinced him to stay at a place he hated. Tyler, I love you and pray that you have found an easier life and a better life. We all have and we all miss you just the same.

#Jousting

"Shotgun!"

"Joust!"

Those are the first words you hear out of my mouth whenever I am with my friends and we are all in the same vehicle. Everyone wants to ride shotgun instead of in the back. More leg room, better view, control of the functions of the car. It is much better than the cramped back seat. The goal is to get out the Joust part before the other person can yell No Joust. Simple rules. If the person yelling Joust gets it out in time then a game of PRS will be played, called jousting. The winner, two out of three games, gets the front seat. The loser, gets to ride in the back. It's a way of life.

However, the sport of jousting is much more extreme than a game of Paper, Rock, Scissors to see who gets to sit up front in the car. Jousting looks awesome. I would never do it but I would go watch any day of the week. If one of those guys hit me with a lance I would probably be dead. Every time one of those guys falls off his horse they look dead. I can understand why. Those people, especially the ex-Navy Seal look crazy and scary. I hope everyone enjoyed the video. I saw it on ESPN about a month ago and loved it.

Also I was told to give my odds that our friend Tyler Baxter shows up to Brett's bachelor party since he told Craig he was excited to go and see all of us. I give it a million to one odds that he shows up. He hasn't answered my phone call or text in three years so I think it's safe to say that he won't be coming to Oklahoma with us.

Spring Break

Spring break is here. It is quite a relief as most of you know. Last week was a long one with tests and assignments and waiting for 3:30 on friday to get here. I don't have any great, exciting plans for traveling anywhere special this year. I had tried to go to Colorado this year but most of my friends had prior commitments or different spring break times which was a bummer. However, I am going to spend a few days in Wichita with Brett since Hannah will be spending a few days of her break at home. After that I will join my family in Ark City at my uncle Jay's cabin and spend four days on the pond fishing, writing and just relaxing. I'm really hoping for rain the whole time I am down there. I can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch with a book or some blank paper and just enjoying the smell and sound of country rain.

Today has been a fun day. I spent the morning with my family making cookies and watching some basketball. I decided that I would go help The Beb's tear down part of Opossum Lodge since it sounded like a fun time. There's just something so great about taking a sledge hammer to a wall or chimney. If you have never tried it I suggest you do it. It was quite a dirty job with blown insulation blowing everywhere but getting sweaty and dirty is part of the fun. It was also fun to get attacked by a bat. It was pretty funny to see play out. Well, that will be it for now. Goodnight readers!