Whirlwind

Today is saturday. I'm sure you are all aware of this. I know I am. I am so very aware of this because, per my usual routine, I should be asleep right now; not up, wide awake and done with breakfast. It is my weekend to bring Eli to Manhattan for his Excel classes on the K-State campus. It usually makes for a long day. However, this morning I am sitting in Panera, enjoying their Wi-Fi and enjoying myself.

It's a dreary grey morning full of clouds and sprinkles. I was finding it hard to stay alert and in a good mood. It's a bed day is what this day is. I needed something to pick me up and keep my mind occupied, something worthwhile. I tried reading Sex God by Rob Bell but it just wasn't hitting the spot today. So instead I decided to watch the some of the videos in the Nooma series. My favorite is Whirlwind, which we watched in one of my very first 24 Feet whorships. This is the idea behind the Whirwind video:

A lot of us have gone through times in our lives that are difficult. Some have been small and hard to understand and some have been big and overwhelming. During these times we want answers don't we? We want to know why. Why do we have to suffer? Why do bad things happen to good people? We just want someone to make sense of it all. But we don't always get the answers, do we? Sometimes we are left wondering. And those can be some of the most difficult times. maybe there are times we need to be released from having to have all the answers. And maybe it's when we're released that we are able to see there may be more going on here than we realize.

It's a great video. It's so plain and simple yet I find myself unable to take my eyes off of Rob as he walks and speaks. It's powerful. If you haven't seen Everything Is Spiritual by Rob Bell I highly suggest you go watch it. Brock has it and I'm sure he would love to watch it with you. I find myself forgetting sometimes that we don't always need the answers in life. Sometimes we just need to have faith that we aren't in control and can't be in control. Give in to that feeling.

Wise Words from Mumford and Sons

It's been a weekend of thinking for me. Just about life. About school, life, relationships, money, etc. Life for me is good. I shouldn't complain or make it seem as bad as I do sometimes. It's all about the perspective I put it in. I have friends, free time, a computer, iPod, music, etc. Sure, there are always things that I would like to have in my life that I think would make it better but I need to remember that maybe they wouldn't. Would a new Mac Pro actually make my life easier or simpler? No. But man, that would be awesome to have, right?

I guess to put relationships in perspective I will use this line from "Timshel" by Mumford and Sons. "But I can't move the mountains for you." As much as I want to date person A or B I should realize that, while they would make my life better, more interesting and probably make me happier in general, they can't do everything. They can't put money in my bank account, give me good grades or get me closer to my friends on the weekends. I have too many expectations for people in my life sometimes. I think that a certain person can make me happier all the time when I should know better. I DO know better but I get blinded by the fact that people are always looking for companionship.

Having those lofty expectations will sink a relationship in the end. Thinking that someone can do too much for you puts them in a position they can't win. If I told you that you are the only thing that makes me happy, what happens if you are having a bad day and just can't make others happy? When you need someone to make YOU happy. We all have those days, right? I've done this many times and I've come to understand that it's the most unhealthy thing in a relationship. It's so hard just to enjoy the fact that a person is there, and you can enjoy their company and friendship. Because isn't that the point of being in a relationship? At one point you realized that you were such good friends that you wanted there to be more.

I guess the point of this entry is to just remember that your significant other can't move mountains for you, asking them to do that is unfair to both of you. It's selfish. It's hard to enjoy something that has become a common occurrence and something you take for granted. How easy is it to forget that feeling of getting a text and hoping it's her/him? How easy is it to forget knowing that someone is always there for you, no matter what? When you get that feeling, don't let it go. Because one day, you'll sit here like I am, wishing for that feeling, but also knowing that it can't move your mountains, but it can always help you move them.

From the Mouth of John Mayer

"It's been a long night in New York City, it's been a long time since 22."
-John Mayer

The last two weeks of my life have been pretty wonderful. It has been filled with times spent with great friends and on the road a lot. The highlight was definitely seeing John Mayer in concert. It was just a fabulous experience seeing him in person. I love his music and have heard how his shows are much better than any other and I must say, I wasn't disappointed. It wasn't far and away the best show I've seen but as far as the musicianship in concerned, he blew everyone else away. He could use a better stage and lights designer. Maybe he could use the same one as Coldplay.

One of the reasons John Mayer is so good is because he seems so gracious on stage. He may be an asshole, I've never met him, but on stage he seems genuine and thankful for his fans. He also rambles quite a bit about love and life and finding happiness. It really allows the crowd to see what he is like and hear what's on his mind, which isn't something a lot of artists will do in front of thousands of people. It really makes you engage as his audience I think.

Edge of Desire is my favorite JM song, at least since it came out. I was lucky enough to hear it as the encore of his set which thrilled me to no end. As he picked the intro to the song a few times over he talked about Love. He had rambled a little about Love earlier in the set and so I wasn't sure where it was going. It was the friday of Labor Day weekend so everyone was lucky enough to have a 3-day weekend ahead of them, so John decided that this would be a good idea: He implored the audience to call or text someone. We've all Loved someone, been Loved, wanted to Love or are in Love with someone. He told the audience to let someone know that you were thinking about them and that you wanted to go away for the weekend, that for just 72 hours you should spend your time together.

I wish this were possible. I wish life were this easy. I wish people could just send a text that says hey, I like you, let's go somewhere and hang out, get to know each other. I wish that's the way Love worked. It rarely does though. Love is something that is unique and complicated. Love isn't easy. Finding Love isn't easy. Keeping Love is even harder.

Most of the Same

It's been a long time since I've been on this thing and I apologize, mostly to myself for ignoring my blog. I've needed to write out ideas and thoughts badly but I have just found myself going to friends for those needed vent sessions instead. That's not a bad thing but sometimes just writing down ideas helps as well. A lot has transpired in my life in the last month I've been away and I can say that it has been a happy month.

I had two vacations that were a nice break from work and the monotonous end of summer weeks that had crept in around the time I was done working for the school. The mountains were beautiful and serene. It was a great time spent driving and thinking about how the next few years should go for me. I can't ever seem to go a few days without wishing I were in the mountains, sitting my the stream or in a meadow just enjoying the sights and sounds. Right now I'm missing them badly.

School is now in full swing and it's a little terrifying. I've been overwhelmed at times and comfortable as well. I feel like I'm more prepared this time than I was last time around and that makes it a little easier. The long breaks in between classes have provided me the time to get work done so that my nights are free from the stresses of homework. It is such a different environment here than I have experienced at Emporia State. I spent my first day between classes just watching people and writing about it. I wish it were more like ESU but I prefer the class size and professors here.

As usual I have been listening to lots of music and finding new stuff. Nothing really exciting but it's always nice to have new stuff on my trips to class. Pilot has another show coming up which is pretty exciting. I'm looking forward to playing the songs we're playing. They are fun and upbeat songs. I'm terrified to sing though. It's been years since I have sang into a microphone in front of others. I will enjoy it once the day gets here.

So I guess that is it for now. Nothing real deep or thoughtful. I'll try and do that kind of post soon though. For myself mostly. With LOVE.

Life on the river

"As I'm looking to the sky to count the stars, I wonder if you see them where you are?" This line has been stuck in my head all day long. I usually think about it when we're swimming because the stars are out but I woke up with it in my head this morning and you haven't left my thoughts. It's not a bad thing at all though.

It's been a good week with no internet, cable or telephone, although I have used my phone and the internet now and then. Not having them in my life has helped out quite a bit getting things accomplished. The best feeling has been getting my desk set back up. Eli has had it since I moved home and it's great to have it ready for school.

My reading has gone very well too. Crazy Love is such a wonderful book. One of my fellow Jamoreer's read the chapter I was on as well and she really enjoyed it as well. We had a good talk regarding life and death. I took a nice walk around the big barn gazing at the stars and wondering why I'm living the life that I am and why I've been put in the situations that I've been put it. Deep stuff, I know. It was a great weekend with friends and I had a good experience. I could stand to have a few less people though.

After hanging out with 50 people, drinking a little, dancing a lot and generally having a good time I can't help but think that I have a blessed life. I have friends that I care deeply for, I have a family that supports me and that enables me to be the best person I can be. I've made some horrible decisions in my life but every day I wake up feeling like I'm learning from them and at least I'm trying to change my life and make it better.

I can't help but wonder if some of those people on the Jamboree will be there next year. As Crazy Love states:

"But it's easy to think about today as just another day. An average day where you go about life concerned with your to-do list, preoccupied by appointments, focused on family, thinking about your desires and needs."

Some of my friends don't make smart decisions and I'm so afraid one day it will lead to an early exit for them from this earth. Heck, it almost happened saturday on the river. "You might not make it through today." Some people don't consider their actions and the consequences they will reap the next day. While I understand the need for letting loose and having fun (I've done this more than necessary) there comes a time in one's life where responsibility takes over. About half the people this weekend haven't grown up enough. One day I will be floating the river in remembrance to those friends and hopefully helping others make better decisions.

Be smart, be safe, have fun. I hear that every time I leave my house to go visit friends from my parents. To the point and just the necessary information. That's why I love them. They pray I'll make the right choices and get home safe and sound. One day I want to tell my child that and know it will be okay.

Be still, and know.

Now Playing: For Emma by Bon Iver.

30 Hardest Days of My Life

Today was a big day for me. I made a huge decision in my life that I'm hoping will lead towards a better time, a happier time, a more content time. I decided to give up my cell phone, internet, television and most importantly social media for 30 days. Brock and I talked about this a few times and it always seemed like a good idea but never something that would I would be able to go through with. On my drive from Lawrence to Salina today I had a friend tell me that she spent too much time on her phone and not enough time working on her own life. That was all I needed to decide to go through with it.

At 24 Feet tonight we watched a NOOMA video called Noise. Watch it please. It re-affirmed my belief that this was something I needed to do in my life, especially before school starts. I will use my house phone for people needing to get ahold of me because I don't want to inconvenience anyone much more than needed. 632-3751. Feel free to call. Also, one of the things I'm excited for is writing letters. I plan on writing letters daily about what I'm reading that day, what my thoughts are and such. I love writing and sending letters but it just isn't the thing to do these days. I'm bringing it back.

To go along with this I have a few books to read, including Crazy Love by Francis Chan, The Shack and The Purpose Driven Life. The point of thise is to work on what I need to change in my life and to hopefully find a better reason for the life I lead. I'll also break one rule and use internet to hopefully update my blog. For only that reason though. Wish me luck as I attempt to lead a different and hopefully more fulfilling life for a month. God Bless.

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

Another Year full of Memories

So it's been 365 days since my last birthday. Well 364 but that's not the point. It's been a long year in my life but one that has turned out to be a blessing. As I've spent the last few days by myself contemplating all of those days that I spent on this Earth I came to a few realizations.

1. Every time I think that my parents are the best parents I could ask for they make me realize that I was right, but that they do more than I ever know. I don't tell them I love them enough and I'm not always the best son but I wouldn't ever change who my parents are. Hopefully one day I can show them that the investment they've made over 25 years wasn't for naught.

2. Every time I think that my friends are the best friends I could ask for they make me realize I was right, but they are even better than could have hoped for. The last year of my life was a struggle physically and mentally and I couldn't have made it through if it weren't for my support system (Brett, Craig, Brock, Dane, Christy and others) I would be pretty miserable. Whether it's playing music with Brock and Dane or golfing with the guys I'm always amazed at how God has put these different people in my life.

3. I have growing to do. Most people can list off their faults and know what they do wrong and I'm one of those people. I won't go through and list them but I do know what my weak points are. Getting ready to go back to school made me realize that I've still got more of my old self in me than I really want. Some days it's a struggle to make the necessary changes stick but I just pray that one day I will be the person I want to be.

I keep looking back at all the memories I've made since July 8th of last year and there are so many. Here are a few that I will never forget.........

Trail riding in Lawrence, Driving in the mountains alone, Back surgery, Abandon Kansas concerts, Lego Costumes, 24 Feet, Winfield, All Time Low, Passion Pit, Mayday Parade, Call of Duty, PowerBall mania, 30 Hour Famine, Hawk Mud Fest and Riley.

I lead a blessed life that I never appreciate enough. Thank you to everyone who has been involved in my life because without all of you I wouldn't be a happy camper (or just a camper).

"I've met great friends, I've seen great times, I've been in love and I've seen love die, But nothing's as good as when I close my eyes and feel that road that's led me through this life, It's a good life that's kept me on my feet.....I'll take a chance on every breathe like it's my last. Don't ever forget all the sleepless nights we stay up until the sun would rise, No matter how far you get I'll be a step behind to catch you when you fall down."
The Good Life by Valencia