Happily Ever After....

It is wedding season yet again which is great because that means my best friend Brett and his fiance are to be wed in a few short weeks. However, that also means that another wedding happened. My ex-girlfriend got married yesterday to a man she has been engaged with for some time now and I'm feeling weird about it. I can honestly say I am happy for her and I wish her nothing but the best. However, it's weird to hear or think about her getting married because I was sure at one point in my life that I would be the one to marry her. It was plain as day that our relationship needed to end and it was in the best interest for both of us but I never thought this day would come so soon. One day I will get married to a woman that I love and I hope Becca wishes nothing but the best for me (which I am sure she does) but I wonder if she will feel the same way? It's a hard feeling to describe but one that stands out nonetheless.

I'll Take A Holiday Far Away

Do you have those songs in your life that, when they appear on your iPod, you remember the first time you heard them? I have plenty of those and I love it when they pop up here and there. It really does take me back. This weekend I traveled to Oberlin, KS to see my cousin Andy and his family since they were back home from Colorado to play a show. I really don't get enough of them. Andy and I have great, in-depth talks that I enjoy. Anyway, on the way home, at about 1 in the morning, the song "Tickets and Passports" by Holiday Parade came on over the radio and it had probably been 8 months since I have heard that song. This song is one of those that I can remember the first time I ever heard it.

I was on the road in between Wichita and Emporia at about 3 or 4 in the morning, driving by myself. It was right before Christmas time and the sky was crisp and bright, like it can only be during the winter months. I still had my Sebring at the time. I had just seen Abandon Kansas that night in Wichita and it didn't turn out well at all. My ex-girlfriend had just got engaged that night. See all the details I remember? I will post the lyrics to the song now and continue the post after that.

I'll take a holiday far away
To where the bright lights burn a little less every day
I'm going to find a place that's just for me
It may take forever
I know, Forever'd be ok

I'm counting down the headlights thinking
That I believe the world is sinking
And everybody longs for something
I'd give it all again to feel it

I met a pretty girl from the coast of Spain
And as she'd count the stars she knew them all by name
She had the saddest eyes I've ever seen
But when she smiled
I'd know, Exactly what she means

Chorus

It's how the sunlight burns my eyes
Every morning when I rise
It's how I'm pulled to the horizon
Like a love that just won't die
And when the sun becomes the moon
It breaks the world I fell into
It's how it all comes back to you
And I know, I'm not going to change

Chorus

I'll run until the end of the time
The second hand slowly unwinds
There's time to rest after I die
And until then these days are like
Our last goodbye to what we know
We'll pack out bags and hit the road
These tickets and passports lead me home
As we sing all night

I think the reference to the headlights was what first got my attention to the song. The lyrics about longing for something and giving it all to feel lit again really hit home since my ex had just gotten engaged as well. I was happy for her but once I was all alone I felt like I was then missing something. That night was also the first time I had spent time alone with a girl that I am very good friends with now but at the time we had only known each other about a month. After leaving her house I just had this feeling that she was someone I could see myself with, that she could fill that feeling I had been searching for. Of course that didn't happen but this was the first girl who I really felt like I had a connection with. She was and is someone I compare others to to see if they would stack up against her. As the saying goes, a guy and a girl are only friends because one of them had feelings for the other at the beginning.

The ending of this song made me want to just keep driving. At this time in my life I was working still and just doing everything on a whim, like going to see Abandon Kansas. It was a great freedom that I miss sometimes because school gets in the way these days but something that I'm glad I had a chance to enjoy. This song took me back to that night, to those days of late night driving. It feels now like I was running from something, but what? Who knows but after listening to this song on repeat for about an hour I moved on to the next random song. I couldn't tell you what it was or any other song from that 4 hour drive but this one I won't forget. It makes me appreciate my relationships with friends and makes me wonder what might have been?

Timshel, Part Two

I wrote a previous entry about the song "Timshel" by Mumford and Sons awhile ago and it was a post that I loved writing. The song is just one that moves me and it is filled with amazing harmonies. It is simple, perfectly simple. Marcus Mumford wrote the song after being inspired by the book East of Eden by Steinbeck. To me, the song boils down to these words, and they are inspiring ones:

And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

You can take this for what it's worth because I have read hundreds of responses to what this song means to people and, while everyone has different views, I love that it inspires people all the same. This song reminds me that we all have choices to make in this lifetime that will define us, that will lead us down a certain path. Not all of my choices have been the smart ones and looking back I wish I had chosen the path most followed. All I can do is make the choices that will make me great, not anyone else. But, no matter the choice I make, the path that I follow, I will always have someone there for me. I will always have a friend, a parent, a family member who will be there to help me along the way. All I can do is hope to be great.

This and That

It's the countdown until the end of the semester and I can't be more happy for that. It has been a wonderful first semester at K-State and I have enjoyed most of my time on and around campus. The "big campus" experience has been a much better one that I had imagined it would be and I am very thankful for that. Brock helped a lot with that because we got to bro-out quite a bit the last few months. I am happy with the way most of my classes went but I know that I could have done better. Hopefully I have adjusted well and next semester will go a little smoother.

One of the hardest parts about this semester was meeting new people. There are a few people that I have become friends with but for the most part everyone is ahead in their graduation plans than I am and it sucks. It will hopefully be better next year because I should be in classes with people who will start their Blocks at the same time as I will. Right now I am playing catch up and everyone I'm meeting now I won't have in classes any more. At least I am meeting some people.

Brett was home this weekend and we got to hang out with just the guys which was really nice. He and I had a good talk in the middle of the street until 3 in the morning, just catching up on life and having the usual pep talks everyone needs from their best friends from time to time. It's nice to have him around. Brock and Dane are great to have around but since I see them so much it's just not the same as getting a face to face talk with Brett or Craig. They know me better than anyone so they can tell when to call me a baby and to suck it up. I guess that's it. Nothing exciting or deep going on right now. Maybe more later?

-It also must be getting close to summer because I've been listening to country more lately.

Rising From The Ashes

"And It's from the ashes that we yearn,
To be the phoenix that rises up from the flames"

-Go Radio