Earn This

I am up this late for one specific reason. I was playing basketball tonight with Dane and others at the church in my attempt to be more healthy and active. Of course, like the past 2 years of trying to be more healthy and active, my actions have led to injury. No surgery is required this time, unless something is more wrong than the doctor thought, which is very possible since this is the same doctor who told me surgery wasn't needed on my back for 3 months. I suffered major swelling and a third or fourth degree sprain of the ankle, I like to say 4 because it sounds worse. No broken bones thank goodness. Crutches, thanks to a late night visit from my Aunt Carrie and the RICE (Rest Ice Compression and Elevation) method will be my treatment for the next week. This is significant because tomorrow of course is the first day of classes at K-State, a campus which is significantly larger in scale than ANYTHING I am accustomed to. It should be a fun and long four days of classes. Hopefully my teachers are okay with me being slowed down.

For the past two days I have had a saying swirling through my head and I finally decided to write about it as I lay here waiting for my Hydrocodine to kick in. The movie "Saving Private Ryan" is about a group of men who are charged with finding Private James Ryan in the middle of World War II so he can go home to his mother. He is unaware that his three brothers have died in battle and he is all his mother has left. The troops assigned this job of finding a needle in a haystack do not agree with it because saving one person is costing more lives in the process but like most soldiers they end up doing their job.

After finding Private Ryan of course they fight the over matched Germans and are fleeing across the bridge to safety when Capt. John Miller is mortally wounded and pulls Private Ryan aside. His final words to the man whom he gave his life for are "Earn This." He wants to give him a reminder of what others have sacrificed for him to stay alive and go home. Of course the movie ends with an old Private Ryan standing over the grave of Capt. Miller wondering if he has lived a good enough life to have earned this man's ultimate sacrifice. He has his family there and they re-assure him that he has lived a wonderful life and they are thankful for all those who helped bring him home from Europe.

Long recap, I know. Earn This is something I am trying to do. I am trying to live my life to show others that their sacrifices are worthy and will not be worthless. I haven't always thought this way. I have wasted many opportunities in my life and many times have not earned anything. I'm very lucky to have the best family, a giving family that will do whatever is within their power to see that I have the tools needed to succeed in my life and for that I am forever thankful and humble. A few years ago thankfulness and humbleness weren't on my radar. I was too busy living a life that led me to having fun times, ultimately destructive times.

There are so many people who have less than I have and I can now see how lucky I am to have parents who give their time and effort without hesitation to help their child who, in their eyes, hasn't always been a sure bet. I have spent many sleepless nights this break wondering what it's been like for them since I graduated high school and ended up back home, considered by many a failure at school. I cannot fathom the depth of their love, the love someone has for their child. All I know is what their love and commitment has meant for my life: a second chance. It is a time for me to show them that I am not a man who will give up on school and who will one day repay them the huge sacrifice they have spent on me. Tonight was another time where my parents were there, one phone call away to help take me to the hospital, offer to leave work so they could drive me to school and help with whatever I needed tomorrow. It is with great humbleness that I write this entry, knowing that everyone in my life is a phone call away. Some things you take for granted until it's no longer there. I hope you are all there for me because without you, I would be in a world that wasn't recognizable.

I am filled with excitement (and painkillers) as I sit awake in the dark, waiting for the days first light so I can start a new chapter of my life. A chapter that is no where near the end, God willing, but one that will be the most important one of my life up to this point. The coming months and years will be a defining time for me, replacing what has been at times a dreary and cloudy future. There is only one reason I am in the position to be the man I was made to be. And that reason is LOVE. The love of my wonderful parents and family and the love of my friends whom have always been a ring away. Thank you everyone for helping me climb out of the crater that I created for myself and putting me in a position to make you all proud of me. I promise that this time I won't take that love for granted and I will EARN THIS.

"Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free, be more like the man you were made to be."

Currently Listening To: Jolene by Ray LaMontange

This and That

I don't think it's hit me yet. I have done four days of 30 Day Shred so far because I have a goal to lose weight. Major weight. It's hard to think about because my goal time to lose it is still so far away. The date is June 18th when Brett and Hannah get married. I have been determined to watch what I eat more and exercise regularly but it's hard because there have been many days where I think to myself "I have plenty of time to lose this weight." Staying motivated will be and has been my biggest problem but if this isn't a big enough motivator, what would be?

Tonight I was in a thinking mood, staying home by myself and skipping on the video games. I was organizing my external hard drive when I found an old essay by a friend about girls. It made me think of my days back at Emporia State and what life was like then. Life was about girls, friends, money and fun. And that made me realize something about my life today. It's still about girls, friends, money and fun. But I think differently about all of them. I'm not worried about girls except being great friends with people, no matter where that leads. I cherish my friends today more than I did back then because I know how much they have meant to my life. I'm more worried about money than I was back then but that's a natural thing since I'm older. Fun is something I see less of these days but that's okay because I had plenty of that in the past. It's fun to think about all the times I had in Emporia and learn from my mistakes and know that I am excited and ready for K-State. Except being a Wildcat. Yeck.

What defines you?

"There is a difference between what we know and what we believe and sometimes it's the difference that defines us." I am not sure where I was when I heard this but I immediately wrote it down in my phone notes so I could remember it. It's a great statement and one that we should always remember.

Quack Quack

Tonight I rooted hard for one of my favorite teams to win the BCS Championship: The Oregon Ducks. I have been a fan of theirs since I was in middle school because I was drawn by their uniforms and stadium and they were a team no one really cheered for and even disliked because they were changing the culture of college uniforms. They came up short tonight, losing to Auburn 22-19. Neither team did much to distance themselves and Auburn made literally one more play than Oregon to win. I am one who believes that Cameron Newton, while a physical beast, is and should be considered tainted goods.

It's more of a gut feeling than anything, but I just have a feeling that there's so much more to the story about his father asking for cash for his son's services. It's sketchy and I just hate the thought that in the future their team could have to give back a trophy that all but one person deserved. I think that the NCAA treated his circumstance differently because his team was undefeated and were the favorites to get into the BCS Championship game. They treated him with favoritism just as it treated the Ohio State players favorably. There's nothing anyone can do about it but complain, and that gets you no where.

However, after playing some Call of Duty tonight with the guys and bitching about how terrible the game ended up since we were all rooting for the Ducks, I turned on the television to see Oregon RB LeMichael James being interviewed after the game. His words struck me and made me think that I have another reason to root for the men from Eugene. James was talking about how it felt to lose and said "One game doesn't define you as a person or as a football player. Football is a game and there will be many more games that we will win after this one, it won't define us. I think this will be a great lesson for us. It hurts to lose and this one will hurt for awhile."

It is a great view of life from a team that deserves all the credit in the world for playing an almost perfect season. It is an extension of a coach who has seen great success and a few struggles in his two years as head coach. He is a man who leads young men and is a great mentor for life. Those Oregon players should, and probably do admire their coach Chip Kelly. It was a great game and although I would have enjoyed a different outcome, I applaud Auburn for making that one extra play when they needed it.

I Was A Teenage Anarchist

No pop, no pop, no pop, no pop, no pop, no pop, no pop, no pop. Those words have been in my head since the clock struck midnight and rang in the new year. I have to admit right now it has been pretty easy. I haven't had any big cravings or head aches to speak of and water has tasted pretty darn good. When I'm tired of that I'll have a G2 and that breaks it up just enough. I have also worked out four days in a row and it feels pretty good. The other day I went to the Rec at K-State and played raquetball with Brock and Dane and it was a great workout. Hopefully I can keep up the motivation to be healthy.

Tonight I went out to the track at 9:45 to do just some light running, just to get out of the house and burn some calories. I did some short sprints that we linemen like to call "Get Offs" and after that I ran a mile and a half. While I was doing this a song by Against Me! came on called "I was a teenage anarchist." It has a great line in it that goes "Do you remember when you were young and you wanted to set the world on fire?" I love it. I had to put the song on repeat because it is a great line to think about late at night when you're all by yourself.

For some, like myself, we're still young enough to chase our dreams and still have the opportunity to decide what we what to choose for a career. At the same time I can still remember that time, just out of high school when I had lots of ambition and thought I knew what I wanted to do. I can laugh about it now because I have been able to grow out of my anarchist phase and have grown up a lot since that time. It feels great to be able to reflect on all the places I have been in my life because it's been a wild ride, one that I never thought I would have traveled. I couldn't have done it without my friends, all of you are wonderful. I will never be able to express that enough, I guess just by thanking you on here is more than most people will do. I lead a blessed life and I try to keep the complaining at a minimum because really, who am I to judge others and how we're all treated. I will keep trying to give people a reason to believe and hopefully they will enjoy the traveling with me.

Another year in the books

2010 is now in the rearview. As someone stated today on Facebook, "I remember 2010 like it was yesterday." I can't say it was a bad year by any measure. It may not have been what I had planned for it to be but it was still a year to remember. It was a big deal to me to get back into school and this year was the time. Two of my best friends got engaged and that was such a great feeling. I cannot express how excited I am for their weddings. Brett has asked me to be his best man and it is such an honor that I hope to one day reciprocate.

That brings me to my "resolutions" for the upcoming year. I don't like to call them that, more like goals or things I need to work on. My weight has always been a struggle of mine and I hope to get it more under control this year. After consulting with Brett and Brock and Dane we have all decided to try and live a little healthier this year and lose some weight in time for Brett's wedding in June. Today was the first day of many without pop. It will be a victory if I can work that out of my diet for extended periods of time.

Another goal of mine is to go to church more. I realize that by playing at Dane's church more that I will accomplish my goal but I would like to go for more than that. There are many other goals that I would like to accomplish but they are a tad more personal. Hopefully I can report back that I succeeded in working on my faults.

Last year was full of wonderful memories with great people. I met a great deal of new friends and had a great time living my life. Thank you to all who helped me get through all 365 days of it.