Saturday, September 8, 2012

Helplessness Blues

What is the worst feeling you can have?  I am sure there are some horrible feelings out there but right now it is helplessness.  I feel helpless in that I cannot help Emily when she needs help, I cannot be there physically when she's had a rough day, I cannot be there to go out and have fun, I cannot be there when she cannot sleep, I cannot be there when she has a reason to celebrate.  I long to be near her for a change, to be able to do all of those former things.  There's only so much I can do through a telephone or computer.  I'm very lucky to have a girlfriend who allows me to visit her when our schedules allow and who will put up with my constant "Can I visit again?" attitude towards driving to Texas.  As Emily would say, I'm not lucky at all.  And it's true.  I have the best girlfriend I could ever ask for, one who is my best friend, and one whom I love very deeply.  But sometimes you pine to do more than the distance will allow.  That is our burden, and has always been.  She is my boo, and I her bear.  I just wish I could share more of these moments together with her.